Post by sandsman1 on Dec 6, 2007 12:05:59 GMT -5
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all Yeer.
yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Bill y,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a
frickin book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space
ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
--------------------
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the
world for everybody.
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they??
Santa
------------------------
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy
to get back together. Please see what you can do??
Love Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you
think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his a$$
constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
--------------------------
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony
and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a
Barbie.
Santa
------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer
outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the
sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
---------------------
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys??
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my
time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing
the a$$es of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you
wanted to know.
Santa
----------------
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in
the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
---------------------------
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging sh-t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with
me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
------------------------
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your a$$ whipped at
school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.
Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom
window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all Yeer.
yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Bill y,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a
frickin book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space
ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
--------------------
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the
world for everybody.
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they??
Santa
------------------------
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy
to get back together. Please see what you can do??
Love Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you
think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his a$$
constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
--------------------------
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony
and a tuba.
Love,
Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a
Barbie.
Santa
------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer
outside the back door.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the
sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
---------------------
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys??
Your friend,
Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my
time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing
the a$$es of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you
wanted to know.
Santa
----------------
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in
the song?
Love,
Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
---------------------------
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging sh-t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with
me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
------------------------
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your a$$ whipped at
school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.
Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom
window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa