Post by sandsman1 on Oct 11, 2008 17:29:56 GMT -5
Retire At The Holiday Inn!
As I was checking my 401(k) account and thinking about retirement, I
saw an article about nursing and retirement home expenses. Then it hit
me. No nursing home for me! Here is my plan: I'm checking into the
Holiday Inn.
With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there
is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on
reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay
discount and a senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves
$138.77 a day
for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or
room service. It also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and
special TV movies.
Plus, I'll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer
and dryer. I'll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. &n
bsp; And I'll be treated like a customer, not a patient. Five dollars
worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling.
There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The
handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp. Ride the
church bus free on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport
shuttle bus; and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While
you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Meanwhile, the cash keeps
building up.
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the other hand,
Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in
one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city
to city. Want to see Hawaii ? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.
TV broken? Ligh t bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced?
No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person
and daily room service. The maid
checks to see if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or
an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the
hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your
life.
And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to
visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The grand kids
can use the pool. What more can you ask for?
When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with even more
benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees. Most standard rooms have
coffee makers, reclining chairs, and satelli te TV -- all you need to
enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check
on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the
lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day.
Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends.
Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free program.
You can invite your grand kids over after school to have a free dinner
with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.
Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can
keep you company as well
. If you want to travel, but are a bit
skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, you'll always feel at home
because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you're
getting a little absent-minded in your o ld days, you never have to
worry about not finding your room -- your electronic key fits only one
door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out the
feasibility of my plan. I'm happy to report that they were positively
giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even
offered to negotiate the rate. We could have easily knocked them down
to $40 a night! Many of them offer FREE Continental Breakfast, worth
at least $5.99 a day and FREE Internet!
So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin, Just forward
all your emails to the Holiday Inn!
As I was checking my 401(k) account and thinking about retirement, I
saw an article about nursing and retirement home expenses. Then it hit
me. No nursing home for me! Here is my plan: I'm checking into the
Holiday Inn.
With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there
is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on
reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay
discount and a senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves
$138.77 a day
for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or
room service. It also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and
special TV movies.
Plus, I'll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer
and dryer. I'll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. &n
bsp; And I'll be treated like a customer, not a patient. Five dollars
worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling.
There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The
handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp. Ride the
church bus free on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport
shuttle bus; and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While
you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Meanwhile, the cash keeps
building up.
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the other hand,
Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in
one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city
to city. Want to see Hawaii ? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.
TV broken? Ligh t bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced?
No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person
and daily room service. The maid
checks to see if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or
an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the
hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your
life.
And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to
visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The grand kids
can use the pool. What more can you ask for?
When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with even more
benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees. Most standard rooms have
coffee makers, reclining chairs, and satelli te TV -- all you need to
enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check
on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the
lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day.
Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends.
Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free program.
You can invite your grand kids over after school to have a free dinner
with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.
Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can
keep you company as well
. If you want to travel, but are a bit
skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, you'll always feel at home
because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you're
getting a little absent-minded in your o ld days, you never have to
worry about not finding your room -- your electronic key fits only one
door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out the
feasibility of my plan. I'm happy to report that they were positively
giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even
offered to negotiate the rate. We could have easily knocked them down
to $40 a night! Many of them offer FREE Continental Breakfast, worth
at least $5.99 a day and FREE Internet!
So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin, Just forward
all your emails to the Holiday Inn!