blarneystone
spending too much on rocks
Rocks in my head
Member since March 2010
Posts: 307
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Post by blarneystone on Jun 8, 2007 15:30:28 GMT -5
I had the same thoughts as Condor... Protecting CP and your wife is number one... What kind of health risks does having him around pose to everyone in the house? Staff? Hepatitis? TB? ...or worse? I dunno Kev... tricky situation for sure. Still praying for you guys....
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darrad
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since September 2006
Posts: 1,636
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Post by darrad on Jun 8, 2007 20:14:41 GMT -5
He needs help yes but at the cost of harming you and family in ways that are not physical? I say no. He did this to himself and will not even wear the diapers which he needs to do. That should be one of the rules! I will get hammered for this but some people can not be helped and that is the way it is. You have more courage for even trying than I do I can tell you that.
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karenfh
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since November 2006
Posts: 1,495
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Post by karenfh on Jun 9, 2007 3:10:53 GMT -5
Kevin, I have hesitated to reply, because I simply did not know what to say. So here goes: 1. Bless your heart, for everything you are doing regarding your brother! 2. There's got to be a better way! I say that because we (I) did assume responsibility for my aunt, who has severe MS. We brought her to our town and placed her in our local full-care facility. She has Social Security, and is on Medicaid and Medicare. She is allowed to keep $35 of her SS check every month. Everything else goes to her care. 3. There are facilities that are obligated to take state and federal-aid people. There are many people who have no family support, and do rely on that aid and that type of care.
I am assuming that Health and Human Services has been contacted? If not, you really should contact them. They are not allowed, in a nutshell, to abandon anyone requiring care.
I'm not sure what type of facility your brother was in previously, but if he is in the HHS system, they are required to find something suitable.
Here is the lesson I had to learn, and it was hard: He is not your responsibility, no matter how much you love him or feel obligated to him. You are not obligated to provide full care for him, and are probably not qualified to perform that type of care. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. It is not meant to be, but it is realisitic. I had to realize the same thing with my Aunt Susie.
I don't know if this helps or hinders.
Please know, however, that my prayers are with your and your family.
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Post by cpdad on Jun 9, 2007 13:19:48 GMT -5
hey folks i know exactly what yaw are saying...i dont take it as harsh at all...shoot i need all the input i can get good or bad.
the wife is doing ok she even crutched herself out of here last night and went to work....they had a motorized wheelchair waiting on her....she tooled around the store catching shoplifters...she got 3 ;D.
as far as little brother goes....heres what i found out.....he does get an ssi check...613 a month...i have to go to social security office monday and become his payee....they will not give it to him.
he has been in personal care homes...or on the street....he was in this last 1 for 4 months.....i called the guy that had him for the last 4 months...heres what he told me.....he has no kind of transferable disease.....he couldnt have kept him if he did....he drinks constantly...and will eat anything he can get his hands on...he told me to stock up on peanut butter cabbage and stuff like that...cheap nutritional stuff...or i would go broke.
he cant manage his medication is why he needs assistance...or his blood sugar...he gets the meds mixed up...and ends up with a totally set of diff problems.
he knows he has no other place to go now so he is being cooperative...more so than i thought he would.
i have him wearing the diapers....and bathing twice a day...he sleeps mostly...but when he is awake all he wants to do is eat and drink...i usually fix a pound box of spaghetti homemade sauce and stuff...and thats enough for us 3 and sometimes some left over for lunch....i fixed 2 lbs last night...we ate...there was a whole pot leftover....he wanted some more...i said it in the fridge...he ate the whole pot...yep almost enough for 4 people at once...and then a whole box of pop tarts...when i wasnt watching.
so i had to tell him i will fix his food...if its on the bottom of the fridge its yours...dont touch nothing else in the fridge or counter or cabinets...well see how that works out.
i have to get him to a doctor...and find out why tha food is running right thru him...and liquid.
i am going to try to get him somewhat straightened out..on somekind of schedule for awhile....then try to find somewhere where he canrent and live for 600 bucks a month...thats gonna be hard.
he hasnt had any drugs or alcohol for the last 4 months...this much i know...just gotta keep him that way....there are other problems im having with him...may tell about them later....took me to long to type this much ;D...im off to sams to see if i can save some money.
any more help or advice or opinions...throw them my way...ill surely listen....kev.
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Rockygibraltar
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since February 2006
Posts: 1,404
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Post by Rockygibraltar on Jun 9, 2007 13:48:02 GMT -5
It's good to hear that your wife is up and about. It's also good to hear that your brother has stayed clean for 4 months. Thats a good start and something to work with.
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Post by Condor on Jun 9, 2007 14:31:19 GMT -5
Another thing Kev, I remember reading the post, and seeing the pictures of little CP in an airplane and how he wants to be a pilot. That is just awesome, but if he goes into the military to fly, there will be all kinds of background checks done on him. Wouldn't it be a trajedy if he were turned down because of your brother's situation? Indirectly, it may already be afffecting him. Don't let that happen to your son. He's innocent.
Condor
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fossilman
spending too much on rocks
Member since April 2007
Posts: 256
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Post by fossilman on Jun 9, 2007 16:17:37 GMT -5
dang, good luck, you sure need it.
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Post by krazydiamond on Jun 9, 2007 18:51:38 GMT -5
there has just got to be some other local help/advice you can get, Kev. your bro looks like he might have been a good looking guy if he hadn't got SO messed up with drugs and liquor. but a very good sign he's been clear for 4 months. that has to count for something.
sounds like he has worms if he's hungry like that all the time or maybe his diabetes is causing his incessant thisrt and hunger. wish Doc was still around, think he had familiarity with cases like yours.
anyway, the RTH family is behind you Kev, you rant, you vent, we here.
KD
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Post by cpdad on Jun 9, 2007 19:31:33 GMT -5
little cp...hahahaha...damn near 6 foot now and only 13....i have to look up to him...i know what ya meant condor ;D...but you are right...i never thought about the background checks....i dont think something like this would come into play but you are right....who knows. actually he has his eyes set on being an army ranger...and thinks flying and doing other things like survival stuff will help him be more prepared than others when he starts jr rotc....if i remember right i think cp told me that he would have to be able to gain top level security status when applying for a ranger cp and mom at least have said....we might as well try to help him...they will trust him untill proven otherwise. oh ya....he wanted eggs and grits for supper....i didnt have any bread for toast ....so i decided to cut up some cucumbers to go with it......he left them on the plate...i asked him why......he said....kevin i aint got but 3 teeth....cant chew them up...i never noticed . kd i aint telling spouse he might have worms ;D.....kev.
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SteveHolmes
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since July 2009
Posts: 1,900
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Post by SteveHolmes on Jun 9, 2007 19:39:15 GMT -5
Man Kevin, Your a HELL of a guy!!!! It's a tough decision and I sure wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but I really look up to you. Family is so important, and I just hope it all works out for you, your wife and little brother. I'll be thinking about you and sending some good vibes your way. Steve
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Post by larrywyland3 on Jun 9, 2007 19:44:49 GMT -5
God bless you all
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Slydog
has rocks in the head
Member since February 2006
Posts: 555
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Post by Slydog on Jun 9, 2007 22:41:57 GMT -5
Well, you've certainly stepped up to the plate, bless your heart. But I can slmost guarantee that this will, in a short time, tear apart you, and your family. Your poor brother is too far gone to be saved. He still deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, to have good medical management, to be as comfortable as possible. This cannot be done 'at home'. Being off drugs/alcohol will not make a difference at this stage, it is not a new start. Wondering if you have seen his feet/lower legs? What condition are they in? Does he have any infection in his mouth from the few teeth he has? I am certain this must break your heart. When was his liver last checked? Is he yellow at all, swollen abdomen? What a shame, what a poor lost soul your brother is, even if it is by his own hand. That doesn't make it hurt any less. He needs more help than you can give him. He needs a professional for his illnesses, for his addictions, for his mental health. He needs more care than assisted living can offer. Call Social Services for some referrals for treatment, or take him to an ER and they will assess him and refer you to the help that he needs. I know this all sounds negative, but it is not meant to be. You are so brave and kind to even attempt this! God bless both you and your brother.
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Post by cpdad on Jun 10, 2007 0:06:27 GMT -5
sly...i hope you are wrong...but probably not....all i can do is try to help at this moment.....i will not let this get to to the point of even coming close to hurting my little family....shoot there is only 3 of us....i aint gonna put that at risk....i didnt realize how close i was to doing that....until it was pointed out here.
ya ...i have payed attention to his legs and feet....they are super skinny....ankles are only as big as a straw....he looks like a clown with his shoes on....but no yellowing to him or nothing like that....1 reason i want to get him to a doctor...where i can sit in on it....hospital will give me no info on prior treatment....confidentiality stuff....thats something else im working on.
he isnt swollen at all....even after eating enough food for 4 people.....that has me miffed big time.....please say anything at all....i dont mind.....even negative stuff i need to think about...kev.
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Post by sbreed on Jun 10, 2007 0:20:04 GMT -5
Darn Kev! I just read this whole post. I am proud of you for trying to help but I will have to be negative here. Being a recovering alcoholic.............................you need to send him on his way. The shape he is in is a direct result of his choices, not yours. I don't think you should suffer in any way for his decisions..........yourself or your family. I learned early in sobriety that the order I take care of things are as follows 1) God or Higher Power 2) Me 3) Family I have to follow this or I will drink again. I am going through something similar. Ex will be going to prison for his 4th DWI. He is in bad shape. Even before he hurt me, I sent him on his way. His decisions will not affect my life any longer. I deserve to be happy and secure in my life. I do not deserve to suffer any of the consequences of his bad decisions. I feel compasion for him because he is hurting so badly but I still won't help him. He got himself in this mess and he can get himself out of it or deal with it. You did not make those decisions for your brother. You can get him some names & numbers to help him and then send him on his way. He can choose to use the information to help himself or he can live on the streets. Again, his decision. You don't deserve to have this kind of stress in your life. You have made good decisions and have a wonderful family. Your wife needs 100% of your care and attention! She deserves it. She didn't make the bad decisions either. Your son is the same. Step back from your situation, pray and follow your gut feelings. Not your heart..........that can sometimes tell us to enable the person. I will say some extra prayers for you! Good luck!!
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181lizard
Cave Dweller
Still lurking :)
Member since December 2005
Posts: 2,171
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Post by 181lizard on Jun 10, 2007 15:16:43 GMT -5
There's something going on for him to be consuming all the food like he does. Could be something to do with the drug abuse...some kind of wrong wiring caused by the drugs themselves but I think it would be important to check into a medical condition I've actually seen. I'm gonna butcher the spelling here...but it's called Pic's or Pict's disease. When my Dad was in an Alzheimers unit, one of the patients had it. She had an uncontrolable urge to eat food. Would consume (if you let her) enough food to feed a small village. I think it has something to do with the mechanism that tells your brain you're full. It's a longshot Kev, but maybe worth talking to someone about.
Man...you ARE a better person than I am. I could never take on what you have. But...if it doesn't work out in the end, you cannot place ANY blame on yourself. I'm pretty sure even though your brother is grateful, he didn't worry about how this was going to effect those members of his family when he was smokin or shootin the crack. (or however it's done)
Stay stong & cut it off quick if the time comes.
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lndcrz47
starting to spend too much on rocks
Member since June 2007
Posts: 153
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Post by lndcrz47 on Jun 11, 2007 13:01:50 GMT -5
you are a good brother,hope his short stay in this world can be easier on all of you,as for doing things different given a second chance,l don't think he would change,we seem to fit where we belong,god bless you and yours,E
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Post by Jurrasic Jonje on Jun 11, 2007 20:31:18 GMT -5
I really don't know what to say. Just reading this makes my heart break. He is your brother but he also did this to himself. What a difficult situation this is. Do what you feel is right but also tread carefully. You are in my thoughts.
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chinook203
freely admits to licking rocks
Member since February 2006
Posts: 849
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Post by chinook203 on Jun 11, 2007 21:54:58 GMT -5
I'm in shock.........would give anything if I had the right words or ideas. I'll say some prayers for you and him, and hope that you keep handling it so well......and some prayers for your wife as well! Sandy
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Post by cpdad on Jun 11, 2007 22:52:24 GMT -5
guys its going kinda ok here at home....but not really...no family problems...we just cant figure him out....its like hes homeless....then ok....then homeless again....even though he has everything right here....no stealing ....no drinking or drugs.
this may sound stupid...but we live in a little community that all the developers want....only 44 of us in our little neighborhood...we have everything we want within a mile of us...shopping centers...restaurants...everything.
but he has taking to walking the parking lots for change..he comes home with food that people give him....change that he finds in the parking lots....or that people give him....he finds ways to get change or a dollar.....but yet he dont need a thing.
i asked him why is he doing this....he said because he gets hungry a lot...or he wants to buy cokes....i like cokes he said.
once again im stumped.....i have giving him more food than any 1 person can eat...but seems to go out and beg or ask for food....brings stuff home and puts it in the fridge.
i am the blacksheep of the neighborhood....hell im the 1 you dont want living next to you....people coming to my house drinking beer and stuff ;D.....but i do live in a nice little place....but he has become actually embarassing to me....but yet he isnt doing drugs or drinking....i dont know...kev.
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Post by krazydiamond on Jun 12, 2007 9:36:12 GMT -5
have you been able to find any outside support or counseling, Kev? perhaps your brother feels (in his own way) that he is contributing somehow by providing his own money/food? have you asked him why he is doing this? how long had he been living on the street before?
you said he was a diabetic, does he take medicine for this, because it sounds like his blood sugar is way out of control (cokes! and such an appetite).....
my thoughts are with you and your family in this very trying time.
KD
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