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Post by sandsman1 on Sept 15, 2004 18:21:44 GMT -5
THREE WOMEN-ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM. A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED,SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROSHIP IN MY HAND". THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID. "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX."
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Post by BearCreekLapidary on Sept 15, 2004 21:09:54 GMT -5
Eeeeeuuuuggggggghhhhhhhh That's rough! Funny, butt rough ;D Thanks John!
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deepsouth
fully equipped rock polisher
He who rocks last rocks best
Member since January 2004
Posts: 1,256
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Post by deepsouth on Sept 15, 2004 21:35:23 GMT -5
LOL It's definitely a LAUGH ;D ;D
Jack
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shorty
spending too much on rocks
Member since December 2003
Posts: 392
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Post by shorty on Sept 15, 2004 21:39:35 GMT -5
;D ;D HI, ALL HAHAHAHAHAHA GREAT SANDS
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Post by docone31 on Sept 15, 2004 21:54:40 GMT -5
I have a more pathetic joke than that. Way back when, when Men were men, women were ugly, and sheep ran scared, There was an Englishman and his wife. They had to cross the Sahara because they missed the train connectin and they had a lot of luggage. Ok, they went into town and met this gentleman. He was local to the area and found the attitudes of the English gentleman and his wife amusing. He sold them a bunch of camels nobody wanted as their attitudes were challenging for an experienced sheep farmer. The English gentleman and his wife tied on their luggage. They went for a week to the Sahara on holiday and brought what seemed about five tons of "needs". One whole ton of shoes for the mrs., alone. That being the case, they proceeded to wander into the desert. The difficulty being, the camels were in "season". The mrs., was trying to not notice and the English gentleman was trying to encourage the camels to proceed with socially correct verbiage that would not connotate either power or be politically incorrect. Camels do not care about politics, especially when they are in heat. They were jumping up and down and attempting mating with every thing in sight, the mrs., the English gentleman, the load and no progress was made. Days were going on and on. It was chaos. Camels were howling, chasing the mrs., and the English gentleman. Day after day after day. One day of chaos, with the mrs., looking haggard although she had found some friendly camels, and the English gentleman, just beaten up. Camels do not know he is not like the mrs. They spyied a brazen tent, with flourescent lights, red and white stripes, flying things, and a bizarre fat woman running around playing a tamborine shouting Hidey-ho!!! Hidey-ho!!! The sign read above the red and white stripes, flourescent lights, flying things, and a bizarre fat woman, read Sahib and his Castrated Camels. Discount rates applied. Whoah, things had to change so the English gentleman and the mrs., dragged the naughty camels up to Sahib. They queried, Do you castrate the camels? He replied, I do, and fill them up with water. They queried does it hurt? He replied absolutely not. He learned how to do it right. They queried? How much? Sahib replied, one shilling per ten camels. That was prohibitively inexpensive and they reflected there might be an issue involved in this. Desperate, although the mrs., thought they might spare one or two, they agreed. The English gentleman and the mrs., had 40 wayward camels. Something had to be done. Sahib brought the first camel to the water trough. He waved flaming torches, the fat woman was running around the tent with a tamborine. He yelled in some tongue for the camel to spread his legs, and then put his head in the trough. After the camel did this, he picked up two flat stones, quickly walked up to the camel, and splat, you can imagine the rest. The camel sucked up most of the water and ran prancing around the desert, yelling Bahbahbahbahbah. The mrs., and the English gentleman were paralized with incredulity. By the time the whole process was complete the mrs., spoke to the English gentleman and he walked up to Sahib. Aghast, he queried. My good man, I thought you said it wouldn't hurt. These animals look positively compromised! Sahib turned to the gentleman and smiled. When I first started doing this service, I used to loose my thumbnail once in a while. I am wiser now, and I use flat stones. It only hurts if you get your finger caught between the stones.
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Emerald
spending too much on rocks
Member since August 2004
Posts: 417
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Post by Emerald on Sept 15, 2004 22:10:34 GMT -5
*hears a pin drop*
Actually...both of them were rather funny!
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birdseed
starting to spend too much on rocks
Member since September 2004
Posts: 167
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Post by birdseed on Sept 19, 2004 13:50:47 GMT -5
Since I believe we have an abundance of "fat " women that post of this board-I would like to appoligize for those jokes...
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Post by hermatite on Sept 19, 2004 16:27:23 GMT -5
*puts aside my tamborine* apology accepted.
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