darrad
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since September 2006
Posts: 1,636
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Post by darrad on Nov 2, 2008 10:00:45 GMT -5
>Dear Red States: > >We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and > >we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, > >that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , > >Wisconsin, Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe > >this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the > >people of the new country of New California. > > > >To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave > >states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the > >Statue of Liberty . You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You > >get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of > >America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We > >get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay > >their fair share. > > > >Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the > >Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a > >bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be > >pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens > >back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your > >evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to > >their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show > >pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you > >success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not > >willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. > > > >With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent > >of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple > >and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of > >America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) > >90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most > >of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and > >condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford , Cal > >Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to > >cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected > >health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 > >percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent > >of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all > >televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University , Clemson and the > >University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you. > > > >Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was > >actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred > >unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent > >say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was > >involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you > >are people with higher morals then we lefties. > > > >Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed > >they grow in Mexico > >Peace out, > >Blue States
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Post by texaswoodie on Nov 2, 2008 10:26:54 GMT -5
Your terms are acceptable! So, we got a deal?
Curt
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grayfingers
Cave Dweller
Member since November 2007
Posts: 4,575
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Post by grayfingers on Nov 2, 2008 11:11:13 GMT -5
I second that emotion!! ;D That has been my thoughts too! To make it more even, you can have the swing states as well! That will leave us with Montana, Both Dakotas, Idaho, Wyoming, Nebraska, Utah, Colorado, Arizona, Kansas, Missouri, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, W. Virginia, Both Carolinas, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana and Alaska. Hope I spelled everyone correctly, I am a redneck, ya know... With the resources in these states we shall fair quite well. An earthquake or two, and some global warming to raise the sea levels and we will have some beaches, and less of you as well. For those good folks who would be caught in hostile lands, we have plenty of room for you, fresh air, clean water and wide open spaces.
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MidNight~Rocksi3
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since January 2008
Posts: 1,716
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Post by MidNight~Rocksi3 on Nov 2, 2008 11:12:44 GMT -5
i knew moving to arizona was a Crazy Idea... lol
*smiles*
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Post by akansan on Nov 2, 2008 11:14:08 GMT -5
Gotta say, I love Texas beaches. And don't worry, we won't put too high a premium on our grains.
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WyckedWyre
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since April 2007
Posts: 1,391
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Post by WyckedWyre on Nov 2, 2008 11:21:06 GMT -5
I guess we're safe as no-one recognizes New Mexico as a part of the US anyway...
;)S
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MidNight~Rocksi3
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since January 2008
Posts: 1,716
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Post by MidNight~Rocksi3 on Nov 2, 2008 11:23:30 GMT -5
LOL ... Lucky! lol jks
*smiles*
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Post by akansan on Nov 2, 2008 13:04:32 GMT -5
LOL Susan. Don't you speak Spanish down there?
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Post by Bikerrandy on Nov 2, 2008 14:07:35 GMT -5
When California sinks into the ocean, you can take the rest of the blue states with you. ;D lol
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MidNight~Rocksi3
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since January 2008
Posts: 1,716
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Post by MidNight~Rocksi3 on Nov 2, 2008 14:12:55 GMT -5
Hmmmmm ... I wonder what the weather is like in Alaska.........lol
*smiles*
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grayfingers
Cave Dweller
Member since November 2007
Posts: 4,575
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Post by grayfingers on Nov 2, 2008 14:52:33 GMT -5
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Rockygibraltar
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since February 2006
Posts: 1,404
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Post by Rockygibraltar on Nov 2, 2008 16:12:55 GMT -5
That leaves the red states with Schlitz and the national defence system. Go luck out there kids, I'm gonna find a red state to move to.
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Sabre52
Cave Dweller
Me and my gal, Rosie
Member since August 2005
Posts: 20,466
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Post by Sabre52 on Nov 2, 2008 16:21:33 GMT -5
Wow! I guess we are a nation divided. Being from California, I moved to Texas for many reasons mainly having to do with pollution, overpopulation, traffic, noise, gang banging a-holes, high cost of living, collapsing infrastructure, monster influxes of illegal aliens etc. Stonewizard, having lived in Calif most all my life I know you've got to confess California has more than it's fair share of crazy bastards and generally strange folks while the midwest and the rest of the red states have some of the nicest friendliest folks I've ever met. Having no experience with eastern Blue states, I can't say much about them but the west coast states have a lot of very unfriendly folks. From what I've seen of most big blue state cities, you can have them.
You also should note that California is running out of your so called "fresh" water. ( Water where I lived tasted like a swimming pool, it's wonderful here in the Texas hill country). Red states have most the grain, lots of the meat, (heck, they've got plenty of wine and cheese). California farmers will be out of business soon due to lack of water. Red states have most of the guns and the folks who know how to shoot them. Folks here are honest, godly folks and lots of them volunteer for the armed service because they think it's their duty to try to keep the whole country safe ( even folks from Berkeley and San Francisco and other folks who hate them.)
I find it sad that we all can't get along but somewhere along the way ( possibly during those peaceful 1950's and crazy 60's and 70's) many of us came to a fork in the road and took vastly different paths. No matter how the election goes, 50% of our fine country is gonna be pissed off which is a sad state of affairs and I expect we'll eventually see some sort of social meltdown. I hate to think of Americans killing Americans ala the Civil War and hope it doesn't happen in my lifetime. Maybe the union will survive and come out better and stronger but sadly this Tuesday, I don't think any result will solve our problems or make the nation any better or stronger. This sort of division is a slippery slope and I only see things getting worse because politicians on both sides are only interested in themselves and their buddies and will tell any lie and make any promise to get elected and get richer but, when elected, seem to have amazingly short memories.
So, I'll raise my glass to the America that was. Things were so sweet back in the Beaver Cleaver days of the 1950's and most the last half of the twentieth century. No lack of resources then and most everyone got along. Now we're a country in decline being consumed from within just as all our enemies around the world have hoped for. Perhaps we need a third party, an American party, but what would the platform be and since the media practically runs the elections these days, how could it even get a fair shake? Maybe we do need to totally start over from scratch since no one seems to like the Constitution now days anyway. Needs someone far better and smarter than me to figure it out and sadly, that ain't either of the folks we got running this Tuesday.....Mel
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grayfingers
Cave Dweller
Member since November 2007
Posts: 4,575
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Post by grayfingers on Nov 2, 2008 16:28:38 GMT -5
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Post by texaswoodie on Nov 2, 2008 16:46:00 GMT -5
I agrre Mel. But you have to agree that it is no longer the 50's and if we ever want them back, we're going to have to fight for them. This is a whole different world than what I grew up in. Some positive changes have been made, but in my lowly redneck, Republican view more changes have been for the worse. If we sit back and let the Socialist take over, we will indeed have to start completely over. I'm perfectly willing to die for Capitalism if that's what it comes to.
The late Robert Heilbroner – a socialist for most of his life – admitted after the collapse of the Iron Curtain that socialism "was the tragic failure of the twentieth century. Born of a commitment to remedy the economic and moral defects of capitalism, it has far surpassed capitalism in both economic malfunction and moral cruelty."
Consider the words of longtime Socialist Party of America presidential candidate Norman Thomas: "The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism, but under the name of liberalism, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program until one day America will be a socialist nation without ever knowing how it happened."
Curt
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Post by Jack, lapidaryrough on Nov 2, 2008 17:12:27 GMT -5
I like how the choice was made for the states with the best rock hunting . ( OREGON ) Went too the BLUE TEAM..............No chance for a war here....................
Signed, Native Oregonian
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Post by Jack, lapidaryrough on Nov 2, 2008 17:14:10 GMT -5
I can see it now war over PETRIFIED STICK`S & STONE`S
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grayfingers
Cave Dweller
Member since November 2007
Posts: 4,575
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Post by grayfingers on Nov 2, 2008 17:28:01 GMT -5
I hesitate to bring the thing we all agree on into the politics, but,.... "Montana Moss Agate is a semi-precious stone and in 1969, Montana Legislature passed legislation making the agate the state's official gemstone along with the Montana sapphire. A Lifetime supply.
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Tigger
freely admits to licking rocks
The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers is I'm the Only One!
Member since January 2008
Posts: 896
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Post by Tigger on Nov 2, 2008 18:08:50 GMT -5
So where does Florida sit in this whole scheme of things? LOL Do I need to move? Tonja
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Post by Bikerrandy on Nov 2, 2008 20:50:21 GMT -5
We're giving Florida back to Spain. lol
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