chromenut
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since December 2009
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Post by chromenut on Feb 16, 2011 23:43:08 GMT -5
Was so happy all day, came across one of those "deals you just can't say no to", got me a great 10" saw for $170, new blade, in great working order, then got home...
I'm a total basket case at the moment. Was walking in the door when my wife came to me crying, saying that our 9 year old daughter had a crushed toe. Huh? Middle toe of her right foot was crushed from the middle knuckle out. Sock was bloody, inside shoe was bloody, shoe showed signs of something on it but not sure what.
Our daughter Jillyan has CHARGE syndrome, which is an association of genetic disorders. She's blind, deaf, had two open-heart surgeries, glaucoma surgery, three surgeries on her nasal passages, other stuff. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. She wasn't expected to live past 2 years old but we have fought every step of the way to give her the best care available.
Now, we don't know if it happened at school, or after school at her caregiver's. She has services through Easter Seal's, very specialized.
I'm just so freaked out that no one had the decency to let us know that she had been injured. In my book, someone hurt my daughter. My wife had to take my keys away from me so I wouldn't go to her care giver's house or her teacher's house. If it weren't for my level headed lovely wife, I'd be in jail right this moment. 49 years old, crying like a baby cause someone hurt my girl. I'm a big honking boy from Texas, 6'2" and 340 pounds of mean. Spent five years being taught by the Seabees, force recon and beret's in hand to hand, Ranger survival evasion and escape tactics, and how to survive with nothing more than a mirror, some string and a military issue can opener. Guess that stuff was pretty well ingrained as I broke a few things behind the house without even knowing it. Not the kind of person anyone wants to meet tonight, which is odd as usually I'm the one person who is calm when the poopoo hits the rotary oscillating element. I guess if you hurt one of my kids, I'm gonna go off like Mount Vesuvius on a bad day.
Anywya, just coming here from some therapy, as usual. Tomorrow morning we're off to the hospital, then the ortho doc, then to the family attorney. I'm in a very evil mood right now. Thinking of mixing a drink, which is also odd as I don't drink. Good thing my guns are locked up in a storage unit far away from me....
Wish me luck, I could use some right about now....
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Post by Rockoonz on Feb 17, 2011 0:08:38 GMT -5
I understand totally. When it comes to my kids or grandbabies I tend to act before thinking. We'll be praying for a good resolution to your situation.
Lee
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Post by roy on Feb 17, 2011 0:33:38 GMT -5
i'am the same way when kids are involved i'd be kicken someones can asap!!
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chromenut
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since December 2009
Posts: 1,971
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Post by chromenut on Feb 17, 2011 0:39:59 GMT -5
I'm much calmer now, thank goodness for my wife. I was walking out the door when she grabbed me and stopped me. Would not have been a good thing had I gotten into my car.
Had a 20oz water glass full of Balieys now, feeling very mellow, but still hurtin. In my opinion, the law should allow a father to provide their own version of restitution on a person who hurts one of their kids. I stopped drinking years ago because when I got good and hammered I got down right evil, and caused a lot of hurt to a lot of innocent people. One of the few things in life I regret was my inability to treat my own weaknesses, my own problems, and admit I was a knucklehead. Now, I have a wife that does that for me...lol....
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blr2449
has rocks in the head
Can I retire now?
Member since January 2011
Posts: 554
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Post by blr2449 on Feb 17, 2011 13:13:58 GMT -5
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please let us know how this all turns out (and if someone has the guts to step up and say what happened)
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Post by Hard Rock Cafe on Feb 17, 2011 13:30:43 GMT -5
Hey Robin,
I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter. I hope you get to the bottom of it. Don't hurt anybody: your daughter and your wife need you at home.
Chuck
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chassroc
Cave Dweller
Rocks are abundant when you have rocktumblinghobby pals
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Post by chassroc on Feb 17, 2011 13:59:04 GMT -5
What a sad story. I hope everything gets better and soon Charlie
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chromenut
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since December 2009
Posts: 1,971
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Post by chromenut on Feb 17, 2011 16:07:45 GMT -5
Toe is broken in two places and both the school and her Easter Seals caregivers are saying, oh nothing happened... going to the papers, we've already been in the news several times locally for taking on the school district with their poor performance in educating exceptional children, we've even had reporters and photographers join us at a school board meeting. The district was not very happy about that but we'd already filed a formal complaint with the State Board of Education so they couldn't do anything about it.
Now it's even more personal. Going with photos and all. No one wants to own up, then they are all going down. My wife is not agreeing, but I can't let this happen again and if we do nothing then we absolve them all of their sins. Hopefully one will own up to this and I will apologize vociferously to the others.
Right now, I'm on a slow boil until I get with our attorney.
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chromenut
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since December 2009
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Post by chromenut on Feb 17, 2011 16:13:15 GMT -5
You know you all have been my therapy for over a year now, and I appreciate your candor and honesty in your responses. I come here for more than to discuss rocks and stuff, because you all have helped me tremendously. Hopefully I can return that favor one day... This is my beautiful daughter Jillyan, watercolor painting I did of her a year ago from a photo my wife took of her asleep on my shoulder... Another maybe year and a half ago
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Post by rockmanken on Feb 17, 2011 16:33:43 GMT -5
I hope that everything turns out good for you and for your daughter. Remember...time heals a lot of wounds. Go slow. Don't do anything you will regret later. We are here for you and pulling for you. Your extended family... Ken
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Post by frane on Feb 17, 2011 22:59:08 GMT -5
Robin, I can understand your pain and wish to protect your daughter and find out who could have let this happen to her. I can say that from experience, when you are with several children it is very possible to have something happen to one and not even see it. If she did not scream out or even if she did, sometimes it is hard to tell what is going on if they cannot communicate well. You may be checking face, hands and any signs of injury and not see that a toe is hurt. Even if there is blood, a lot of times, it does not gush immediately. It is later. I am not saying she didn't have bad care, I am just saying that the teachers may honestly not feel that anything happened while in their care especially if she had moved away from what ever had been dropped or fallen on her toe. At a center I worked in for awhile, it was sometimes only possible to see what had happened when going back and viewing the video tape. I myself was in charge of a baby room. I had the care of 4 and the other teacher had 4. If our special needs teacher would have to use the restroom, she would bring the two in her care in our room and it was almost overwhelming and a little dangerous for the infants as well as our downs syndrome and our severely autistic and mostly blind and deaf child. In the older rooms, there would be children that would watch and wait for the teachers to turn their backs and then lash out and hit a child or bite, then run to a chair and sit. We only learned what was going on, again, by the video tapes. If your providers have a system like that, you may want to calmly ask to view them with the director so you can see what happened. If it happened on a playground, it is even harder to see everything that's going on no matter how hard you try. One instance comes to mind with the Autistic child. I was giving breaks that day so I was on the playground. Lots of kids on the playground and several providers all trying to keep an eye on different locations. All of a sudden, our autistic child started screaming and throwing her arms in the air and stomping. I ran to her and put my arms around her and tried to comfort her. She was distraught. I started to get her to calm and then her provider returned. We checked her but didn't see anything and she would have sudden outburst so we felt she was feeling overwhelmed A few hours later after her mom picked her up, we were called and asked why we didn't tell her about her getting a bee sting on the back of her leg. We had no idea. since she had pants on and we had not seen a bee. I hope you can find out how this happened. Just remain calm and it will be easier to get answers. Although there are some bad care givers, most really love the children they care for and do not want anything to happen to them, the same as you. All I can say is that it was about the hardest job I had ever done! Any time our children get hurt, we want to lash out and protect them. You are being a great dad! Just realize that sometimes, accidents do happen. Other times, they can be prevented. I hope you can find out which way it was. Just take lots of deep breaths and calm yourself. Your daughter can feel when you are stressed and she will be calm if you are. Now, that is just my two cents but I hope it helps a bit. Fran
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stefan
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Post by stefan on Feb 18, 2011 9:33:39 GMT -5
I am so sorry to hear what happened to your treasure (may I say what a beautiful child and what an artist you truely are!) I'm glad your wife has calmed you down a bit as it won't do your family any good if your behind bars (and trust me I know that feeling of outcome be damned- I'm gonna kill someone- been there myself- and thank God for my level headed wife also!) My wife has worked with Special needs children (and adults) for several years (and has a sister with CP) so I know the hassle your going through with the "experts" Hang in there and NEVER EVER BACK down (not that for a moment I ever considered you would!) But also bear in mind that there are often two viewpoints to every story and it is important to try to understand where others are coming from (even if they are completly wrong) A calm head in these kinds of situations is always a plus (just keep thinking about your daughters smiling face- it will melt your heart and keep your mind clear). Prayers go to your daughter and your family!
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Post by Toad on Feb 18, 2011 11:19:20 GMT -5
I am also sorry to hear what happened. Good thing that wife of yours was around. Getting yourself in jail wouldn't have helped no matter how justified you felt.
Is there any way your daughter could have done this to herself? If you're 100% positive that this isn't the case, I believe you're pursuing this the right way. Get the media to cover the story, and hopefully the combined heat of legal action and publicity gets the responsible party not only to 'fess up but to institute the changes needed to prevent recurrence.
We'll be praying for your family - for both physical healing and mental/spiritual peace.
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Post by tanyafrench on Feb 21, 2011 18:44:25 GMT -5
Oh Robin, I just saw this thread so I am responding rather late but I wanted you to know that I care and you, your wife and Jillian are in my thoughts and prayers. You are a wonderful father and I know that by now you won't do anything you should not do. I am so sorry for what happened to your daughter but I know that all she cares about is having you hold her and love her. I do so hope you discover what happened. Hang in there and let us know just what you find. God is aware of what happened and perhaps the vengeance is His not yours. His will will be done.
Tanya
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chromenut
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since December 2009
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Post by chromenut on Feb 21, 2011 19:22:12 GMT -5
Well here's the thing, my daughter Jillyan has CHARGE syndrome, which is a rare association of genetic disorders. Non-hereditary, less than 1% chance of it occurring more than once in your entire family, as in back to the beginnings of time. She's had 8 major surgeries by the time she was 7 years old. She's now 9, legally blind and deaf, can walk with some difficulty as she's got balance problems. She is profoundly deaf in her left ear (no auditory nerve) with a hearing loss in the right. She has coloboma's in both eyes so has about a 6 foot visual accuity range, and even within that is mainly light/dark and colors. She was born with bilateral choanal atresia (bony blockage of the sinus passages) so could not breathe properly as a baby, and has had three major surgeries to correct that (life-flighted out of the hospital she was born at, at 3 hours old, to Charlotte Medical Center where they had specialists who could handle this). She had her first open-heart surgery at 21 days old, and her second at 5 years old, still has heart valve issues along with aortic reflux. She has grade 3 kidney reflux which we've been watching for 5 years hoping that it doesn't get any worse as so far (knock on wood) we've been able to dodge the surgery bullet on that. At 4 years old she had Glaucoma surgery in her left eye, which the doctors stated was usually not successful with only 10% chance of repairing the damage due to Glaucoma. Of course, her being the miracle baby the surgery worked. She has been the center of several research and study groups over the years. Our entire family has had genetic mapping done for five generations by Baylor Medical Center, where they are researching CHARGE. My wife attends the International Deaf/Blind conference every year, which happens to be here in Greensboro, NC, about an hour away so a big deal for the family. This summer we've been invited to go to the International CHARGE Convention in Orlando, being partially paid for by the CHARGE Syndrome Foundation, Easter Seals, and the Feds under Medicare. My wife will be part of the panel of speakers while I and the girls hit the beaches. My wife runs the Iredell-Statesville Schools Exceptional Childrens Parent's Organization, well she's the president of it and they all basically force her to do all the work. We've had one state's senator, one internationally renowned Deaf/Blind specialist, and one National Chairman of some committee on health to President Clinton who have come to visit Jillyan. We've had several official school complaints raised to school district complaints raised to state school board complaints, then handed to the Governor. We've had two previous lawsuits against the school, school district, and state school board, and have won both, ending up bettering the lives of all Exceptional Children in the state. My wife and both daughter's have had their 15 minutes of fame, adorning the cover of several local and state newpapers and publications. We are in the midst of working with Baylor and CMC to produce some helpful instructions for new parents of CHARGE kids, and my wife my soon be published. My daughter was what the nurses in NICU called a 2-6 child. If they live to 2 weeks, they may make it to 6. If they live to2 months, they may make it to 6. They did not expect her to live to even 2 years of age. We pulled her out of the NICU after a long and very trying period, during which my wife gave up a very lucrative career to become the "PhD of CHARGE" and to be by our daughter's side 24x7. We - wife, older daughter and I, had to all be trained in infant CPR, dispinsing oxygen to an infant, and all had to be certified on a vast slew of medical gear, including pulse-ox monitors, heart rhythm monitors, etc. For two years our bedroom looked like an emergency room. I think I went two years and slept 11 hours total during that entire time...lol.... Now, I can speak at length on these subjects and have many friends who just look at me and shake their heads and are all choked up with emotion. I tell them, I've been down this road now, involuntarily but with complete optimism, for 9 years and plan to continue to the day I drop dead. My family comes first in everything, and while I sometimes seem kind of unemotional when speaking about this, it's only because of the gallons of tears already shed, the days and nights of intense fright waiting for the bad news while hoping for the good, the hours spent in and out of ICU's, recovery rooms, heart centers, ENT surgical stations, etc. So, the skin becomes quite thick, but when a fool hurts my child, I shift immediately into violent mode. My wife's an angel, and if it weren't for her, with all that has passed, I'd surely be in prison right now for wrapping my hands around some idiots throat and throttling them to death. So, on the good side, I'm still so very tempted to file a suit on this one. We have the photos, statement from teacher, all kinds of stuff to support our case, but my wife is asking me to be caustious and kind. She's trading what would be an easily won lawsuit, for us pushing the school district to make another change - that is the release of special needs children 10 minutes before the rest of the school, then no more problems in the hallways. So here I site, biding my time, but at least my daughter feels better. I laid it out for her teacher today - it's been two years since Jillyan finally got out of her wheelchair, and now she's back in it because of this. 2 feet forward, one foot back, and this is why I want to push a suit against them, but the wife says no and since she's the only adult in the house I have to listern to her advice. Anyway, all is getting better, we'll just have to wait. Her toe is black right now, broken in two places, and all you can do is tape it up. So we are in "hurry-up to wait" mode....
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chromenut
fully equipped rock polisher
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Post by chromenut on Feb 21, 2011 19:24:52 GMT -5
Also, thanks for all the well-wishes and prayers! We are the superglue family, together through thick and thin, but your thoughts and wishes are really appreciated! Again, another reason I love this site!!!
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meta99
has rocks in the head
Ohio Flint Ridge flint
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Post by meta99 on Feb 21, 2011 19:39:48 GMT -5
As a mom of two who had life threatening medical issues as infants, I know a little of where you've been. It su@k$! As someone with medical background, I even know of CHARGE.... I am so sorry for all you have been but what a beautiful child you have (great painting BTW!)... Your wife is a true angel, for what she has done for you and for other children. Fighting the school districts can be such a pain and a source of great frustration (been there, done that...too), but we felt that if no one ever fought them, nothing would ever change. (Ours didn't know what to do when we showed up to a meeting with a lawyer...said it'd never happened before! And we weren't even suing!) Getting kids released early so they don't have to fight the crowds and rush in the halls is SO important, but I do feel for you knowing you'd like to get back for the suffering of your child. "...and since she's the only adult in the house I have to listen to her advice..." A wise choice! Maybe time to go play with some rocks to "center yourself" (oops...been listening to the crystal power people too much AAACK!)
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chromenut
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since December 2009
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Post by chromenut on Feb 21, 2011 19:43:15 GMT -5
Some more images for you, this is Jillyan being goofy with daddy, you can see the coloboma's in her eyes here, the pupil extends down through the iris, sometimes called a "cat's eye" or a "skeleton keywhole". I think this was last year's NC Special Olympics: This is two years after her second open heart surgery, can see her scar, she's very proud of it, only problem with that is she's getting to an age where going around topless isn't such a good idea...hahaha: She loves to sit in the sun in her little red rocker, puts her toys all around her and just rocks and laughs and laughs and rocks...
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chromenut
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since December 2009
Posts: 1,971
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Post by chromenut on Feb 21, 2011 19:50:58 GMT -5
As a mom of two who had life threatening medical issues as infants, I know a little of where you've been. It su@k$! As someone with medical background, I even know of CHARGE.... I am so sorry for all you have been but what a beautiful child you have (great painting BTW!)... Your wife is a true angel, for what she has done for you and for other children. Fighting the school districts can be such a pain and a source of great frustration (been there, done that...too), but we felt that if no one ever fought them, nothing would ever change. (Ours didn't know what to do when we showed up to a meeting with a lawyer...said it'd never happened before! And we weren't even suing!) Getting kids released early so they don't have to fight the crowds and rush in the halls is SO important, but I do feel for you knowing you'd like to get back for the suffering of your child. "...and since she's the only adult in the house I have to listen to her advice..." A wise choice! Maybe time to go play with some rocks to "center yourself" (oops...been listening to the crystal power people too much AAACK!) You quite obviously have tread some of the same road! I tell you, these school districts are like the government... it requires an exceptional amount of patience in dealing with them, and it's ALWAYS the "squeaky wheel" syndrome. You don't get nada from no one unless you go in there ready for a fight, and while extremely exhausting, at the end of the day it's all for your child so it's worth it. Because of this child, this dear young lady, my wife and I will likely remain married to each other the rest of our days. I mean when my wife gave birth to my first daughter, I stood there by the bed blubbering like a big baby, couldn't believe what miracle my wife and just produced and what pain and suffering she'd gone through to do so. But when my wife was sitting next to my younger daughter - wife in a wheelchair not yet healed from emergency C-section, daughter in one of those 'looks like it's right out of prison' NICU beds with monitors and alarms and wires and tubes going left, right, up and down - and she looked up at me, without blinking an eye, said to me, "I'm calling my boss in the morning and resigning, I need to stay with her because I'm not going to allow her to die"... well, my heart was next to bursting and I knew at that point, even years after we'd been married, that I truly loved this woman with all of my heart. So, having the kids just adds to the fun!!!
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Post by Donnie's Rocky Treasures on Feb 21, 2011 20:08:15 GMT -5
Oh my, Robin, I can understand why you were in such a way. I do believe that everything is going to be just fine though!
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