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Post by NatureNut on Mar 19, 2012 17:40:04 GMT -5
I've been going through some crazy family stuff recently, and I've been pondering something and I thought I would throw it out there to my friends to find out what they would do.
1) If you knew that something bad was going to happen to somebody, would you give them a heads up to help them prepare for it?
2) Would it change your answer if the situation was that it was a person that was going to hurt another person, not just circumstances creating the hurt?
3) Would you still do the same thing if you perceived the person in jeopardy as a bad person rather than a good person (whether it was true or not)?
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Post by jakesrocks on Mar 19, 2012 17:49:41 GMT -5
Jo, I know what I'd do, but I think you'll have to go with your heart and conscience on this one. Also, you didn't say if it was the perceived bad person who was going to hurt the good person, or vice versa.
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Post by NatureNut on Mar 19, 2012 17:55:52 GMT -5
Sorry I wasn't clear about that... I meant would it matter if the recipient of the "love" was perceived as a good person or a bad person... meaning, would it matter whether you felt they deserved it or not?
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Post by texaswoodie on Mar 19, 2012 17:59:20 GMT -5
Judge not lest ye be judged
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
Curt
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Post by jakesrocks on Mar 19, 2012 18:00:09 GMT -5
To me it wouldn't. I don't like to see people hurt.
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Post by NatureNut on Mar 19, 2012 18:01:49 GMT -5
I'm a golden rule person myself too.
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Sabre52
Cave Dweller
Me and my gal, Rosie
Member since August 2005
Posts: 20,466
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Post by Sabre52 on Mar 19, 2012 18:11:13 GMT -5
*L* Not a turn the cheek kind of guy myself. I hate it when bad things happen to good people. Bad things happening to bad people, sounds like karma in action to me *L*. Problem is, the law don't always understand karma. Good people doing bad things to bad people can still get in trouble for it so I'd not warn the bad person but would warn the good person to consider possible consequences of his or her actions....Mel
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nancyid
has rocks in the head
No stone goes unturned.
Member since January 2009
Posts: 563
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Post by nancyid on Mar 19, 2012 18:45:39 GMT -5
First I would need to consider what the "bad thing" is, how serious. Physical harm or worst? Then I would tell them, yes. Good or bad person.
A cheating other half, I'd keep out of it.
So guess my answer is: physical harm = give a heads up. Just about anything else I guess I would stay out of it. Hard to really say without knowing whats up and what these people mean to you.
I think you will know what to do.
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Post by Rockhobbit on Mar 19, 2012 19:41:04 GMT -5
If I were in that situation today, I would pray about it and listen for the answer. Our head thoughts can lead us astray but an answer from the heart is always right. Pray and follow your heart.
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Post by Bikerrandy on Mar 19, 2012 19:44:47 GMT -5
I never lower myself to another person's level. They'll still be bad, even after you stomp their ass into the ground, and it doesn't make the person who happens to be administering the ass kicking feel any better.
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Post by helens on Mar 19, 2012 20:08:52 GMT -5
Well, only you know all the details, so ultimately, you have to make the decision that's right for you.
But I agree with the physical violence thing... if it's about someone physically injuring someone else, before I'd warn the someone else, I'd definitely talk to the person thinking about it first. If someone gets killed, someone's going to prison... even a 'good' person. You would not want that either.
If it's not physical... my honest opinion is... who do you like better? As horrible as that may sound in light of damage to someone who's done crappy things to you or yours, I'd have to say that what comes around goes around.
However, whatever this 'decision' is... depending on just HOW BAD the thing is they are considering... keep in mind that if it's criminal, the 'good' person may end up in jail over it, and then the bad person would not only get to gloat, YOU may be somehow in trouble for knowing about it (conspiracy).
I don't know where you live, but Florida and Texas not only have the death penalty, the sentences handed down for ANY crime typically are many times longer than the punishments dished in other states, as measured in years.
If we're NOT talking about a crime... and it's a situation where it's like... telling someone they are about to get divorced, cheated on, left, that type of thing... you may just want to mind your own business, because sometimes that can come back to splatter back all over you for saying anything if it doesn't happen and they make up.
Typically, the FIRST thing the person told will do is go through shock, then immediate confrontation, and your name will come up. How will that affect you down the road, to spare someone you may never see again, and don't even like, a little bit of grief (very little if it's going to happen anyway)?
If the person about to get hurt is one you care about... I'd tell anyway. But that doesn't sound like the case... so back to the who do you like better?
In family situations... you either stay COMPLETELY out, or you pick a side for the right reasons (because that's the person in the right) and never change your mind. That's my 10 cents:P.
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Post by NatureNut on Mar 19, 2012 22:32:38 GMT -5
And all your elaborations are very helpful. I'm sorry for being ambiguous . The questions cover two separate but related situations.
Sharing whatever thoughts come to mind help.
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Post by helens on Mar 19, 2012 23:02:29 GMT -5
Thought of another scenario... you know someone's getting fired from a job... and you know that giving them fair warning would give them a chance to find another job. On the other hand, it would give them an opportunity to get even with the company or their boss before they go.
That'd be the toughest dilemma I can think of short of violence. If I did not like the person, I would still not want to see them screwed over for income. On the other hand, if you tell them, it may screw the company over. You said family situation... if it's a family business, I assume you would not get in trouble if they decided to confront the boss about it. What would I do?
I would weigh exactly what damage they could cause the company or employers or other employees if they knew. ONLY if it would not create hardship for anyone else would I tell them. If it would, I would not tell them. If this is the situation, or one like it, if there is ANY chance the situation could be resolved with that person (they come in late every day, they can talk to the boss about it directly), I would not outright tell them, but perhaps give a warning such as... "I overheard someone saying that you might be in trouble because of <>. You may want to talk to <boss> about it before something bad happens". Then you have done your best to warn them, and the ball is in their court, without violating anyone else's trust.
That's my 5 cents:P.
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Post by NatureNut on Mar 19, 2012 23:32:16 GMT -5
No violence, just insanity. Unfortunately, I was on the receiving end of a big part of it, and they all played it so I was blind sided... for effect. And now I know who is next, and he's a good person. If I give him a heads up, on one hand it could be stooping to their level, on the other hand it wouldda been nice for someone to have the guts to throw me a warning... so the golden rule comes in... but, as Helen mentioned, it could backfire on me...
Ugh... Maybe best to stay as far away as I can.
Mean families suck.
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Post by mohs on Mar 20, 2012 0:15:23 GMT -5
Ugh... Maybe best to stay as far away as I can. That’s the best idea-- but probably difficult in the short term, Jo It seems like people you care for, or at least have familiar relationships with? The best you can hope for in an entanglement crisis is give your warning /advice in such a way --that you can extricate yourself from the situation as justifiably as possible. Then cut those ties!! Cause they sounds like emotional vampires. Best to you always your pal in Phoenix Ed
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Post by helens on Mar 20, 2012 0:26:26 GMT -5
Oh my... that's a tough one. Sounds like the boat my sister was in years ago. I think sooner or later, mean families manage to pick on everyone? With families, often staying away is not an option:(.
My sympathies!!!
What I would do is think of a way to drop hints WITHOUT telling the victim directly, so it's not a complete blindside, but if it doesn't happen, you're not a bad guy. But make sure you do it in such a way that he doesn't think YOU are in on it because you're not!!!
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Post by Woodyrock on Mar 20, 2012 1:19:15 GMT -5
Jo: Best let Angie sort them out! It is sad to hear that are in the middle of something like this. Woody
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Post by NatureNut on Mar 20, 2012 6:56:19 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. If a situation presents itself where I'm alone with that person and can drop a hint, I'll try. Otherwise, who needs it. Although I am hurting, I'm fine. Part of me was expecting it, but it was done in the cruelest way possible. If only Angie ruled the world... LOL. Jo
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Post by NatureNut on Mar 20, 2012 7:01:00 GMT -5
Thanks for your love, support and your help. Jo
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Fossilman
Cave Dweller
Member since January 2009
Posts: 20,687
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Post by Fossilman on Mar 20, 2012 11:17:36 GMT -5
I'll always help good people"family or not"....The bad I could care less,we have a bad apple in our family and I wouldn't put him out if he was on fire!!!!! But as they say,"To each his own"........ Yes I've helped bad people out before,but they almost always just stomp the good deed into the ground! So I just quit,its easier that way! My opinion of cource!Good luck with your choice........
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