llanago
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since January 2004
Posts: 1,714
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Post by llanago on Dec 10, 2004 21:21:35 GMT -5
Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so
hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle"?
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a face towel' neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
And, finally, My last question:
When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
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Post by cookie3rocks on Dec 10, 2004 22:55:08 GMT -5
Yes, dear Max, you will go to heaven entirely intact, but you won't need them.
The sensation of smell and taste will be your pleasure, not some else's disdain,
If you find a couch, it is yours to lay upon,
There will be no officers, refriderators, diaper pails, underwear, rain water or company to concern you.
You will run and run and run. Through pastures filled with bunnies who love being chased. You will never be hungry or thirsty. Those who have passed before you will adore you.
And you can come home anytime you like, you are loved.
cookie
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phoenix1647
starting to spend too much on rocks
Member since March 2013
Posts: 186
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Post by phoenix1647 on Dec 11, 2004 9:55:44 GMT -5
I haven't laughed this hard in ages..thanks for posting that letter...
Pho
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Post by Cher on Dec 11, 2004 10:12:38 GMT -5
OMG that is so funny! Thanks for the laugh Llana.
Cher
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llanago
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since January 2004
Posts: 1,714
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Post by llanago on Dec 11, 2004 10:25:14 GMT -5
A friend sent me that by email and I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Knew we had dog lovers here that would appreciate it.
llana
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Post by sandsman1 on Dec 11, 2004 11:40:00 GMT -5
hey llana too dam funny hahaha
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Post by docone31 on Dec 11, 2004 17:46:35 GMT -5
My dead spider started stinking and the batteries are not making the flash work in our camera, the snake eggs are still there in the wall, and I do not understand the post.
Whose testicle's. By the way, necrophilia is safe sex.
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Post by rockyraccoon on Dec 12, 2004 1:32:32 GMT -5
lol how true! i once had a date show up to pick me up when i was young and living with my parents. he was in the kitchen with my mother who was looking very amused when i entered the room only to find that he had an airdale's nose in his crotch and another airdale's nose in his rear giving him the greeting. he was dancing a polite jig and i took my time so they could have their way with him before we left lol. gotta love a good dog!
kim
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llanago
fully equipped rock polisher
Member since January 2004
Posts: 1,714
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Post by llanago on Dec 13, 2004 8:44:06 GMT -5
Max isn't too bad about that, but he does drag his butt!
One day a while back I was outside talking to some folks that walked by. Max always has to greet everybody too. He came over, said hello then walked off and started hunching the air. All fours on the ground and just goin' at it. The other folks didn't see it because he was behind them, but I nearly cracked up. He doesn't do it very often, but when he does, it's too funny!
llana
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deepsouth
fully equipped rock polisher
He who rocks last rocks best
Member since January 2004
Posts: 1,256
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Post by deepsouth on Dec 18, 2004 18:59:46 GMT -5
What a nice story about doggy heaven etc.
brings back many memories of dog happenings haha
Jack
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Guy
off to a rocking start
Want to expose my children to the world of Rocks!
Member since December 2004
Posts: 22
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Post by Guy on Dec 23, 2004 16:39:32 GMT -5
That reminded me of a funny story.....
An elderly lady, nearing the end of her life, was upstairs in her attic going through things, remembering, enjoying etc when she came across an old lamp. She picked it up and rubbed off the dirt and stain when all of a sudden out popped a Genie...
"hey, how are you?" said the Genie, "You now have three wishes, anything you want."
"Wow, that's awesome," replied the old lady.
"Let's see, I would love to be young again, but still know all the things I know now, how bout make me 20"
"BOOM" and it was done.
"Hmmm, let's see what else, " mused the lady..."I know, how bout make me very attractive and everything a man would desire"
"BOOOOOOOM" and it was done."You got one more hun, said the Genie as if to remind her not to squander the last wish."
"Well, what good is youth and beauty if you have no one to share it with?" Seeing her dog Jake, laying by the attic entrance she turned to the Genie and said...
"Turn my dog into a young, attractive and totally awesome man who will fall in love with me."
"BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM" and it was done.
When the smoke cleared the Genie was gone and the young lady was left standing in the arms of one of the most attractive men she'd ever seen. He leaned down his head and gave her a sweet kiss on the forehead and then just looked into her eyes. He then threw his head back and started to laugh a bit.
"What's wrong?" asked the lady
"Oh nothing, I was just thinking you're probably going to be second guessing that trip to Vet with me last month".....
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Mazanec
spending too much on rocks
Member since March 2004
Posts: 355 
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Post by Mazanec on Jan 9, 2005 5:26:39 GMT -5
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown
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Post by krazydiamond on Jan 11, 2005 20:09:27 GMT -5
hey y'all, don't know how many of you out there are Dean Koontz fans, he's a scary guy right up there with Stephen King, but he's recently published (edited, he sez) a book by his dog, Trixie. (she's an older golden lab retriever). anyway, all the (or most of the) sales goes to profit a charity that trains dogs to assist people (blind and autistic folks). anyway, here is the Amazon link: www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0972942777/ref%3Dpd%5Fsl%5Faw%5Falx-jeb-9-1%5Fbook%5F6468810%5F7/102-0517148-2514544and if that don't work it's called "Life is Good!: Lessons in Joyful Living" i don't normally tout a good cause, this is my exception, KD |
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Post by cookie3rocks on Jan 11, 2005 21:10:29 GMT -5
I'm glad I came back to this page. I felt a little rejected at first, and embarressed  Thank You, Maz and KD, I feel better for my responce. Yeah, I know it was supposed to be a funny letter, and it was. I'm just, you know, a little flakey about the afterlife. Thanks for validating my feelings ;D There is a lady who comes to my store on a pretty regular basis. She is blind but, with very strong lenses, can see color and basic shapes. She will come in and say "Hello" in a loud voice so I know it's her. Then she will tell me what she's looking for, ie "an opened toed sandal with a low heel" I've seen her through 3 guide dogs. The first on was with her for 10 years, and finally had to be retired. The second was a beautiful shepard, but became too possesive and had to go to another home. The newest is a black lab and they seem to be the perfect match. When she's working it's all about work. When the harness comes off, she's all about love and play. I've seen this dog guide her to the correct place when she was sure it was another place. They are quite a team. God bless these wonderful animals. They are both helper and companion. cookie cookie |
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