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Post by Tweetiepy on Jan 23, 2006 8:25:57 GMT -5
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that neededdone at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Jimmie had married a woman from Australia. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning,
dishes, and thecooking. He told them that the first day he didn't
see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day,
his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a Canadian girl. He boasted that he
told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes
washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a landscaper.
God Bless Canadian Women
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MichiganRocks
starting to spend too much on rocks
"I wasn't born to follow."
Member since April 2007
Posts: 154
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Post by MichiganRocks on Jan 23, 2006 9:01:26 GMT -5
ROFL! Hey Tweetie, I like that. Thanks, makes for a good start to a Monday.
Ron
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Post by Cher on Jan 23, 2006 9:11:04 GMT -5
Wonder what country in South America that Terry's wife came from. Probably Argentina or something. *smile*
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thehawke
freely admits to licking rocks
My Lord and Master
Member since January 2006
Posts: 866
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Post by thehawke on Jan 23, 2006 10:10:53 GMT -5
HAHAHAHA!!!! Thata farny alright!
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MichiganRocks
starting to spend too much on rocks
"I wasn't born to follow."
Member since April 2007
Posts: 154
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Post by MichiganRocks on Jan 23, 2006 11:25:48 GMT -5
An atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"! He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian"?
"Very Well," said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen"
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Post by joe on Jan 23, 2006 12:58:32 GMT -5
Haw haw haw!! Both stories are great!
A woman went on safari to Africa and took along her pet poodle.
One day the poodle was chasing butterflies and discovered that he was lost. He noticed a leopard heading in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The poodle saw some bones on the ground close by and quickly settled down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching leopard.
Just as the leopard was about to leap the poodle exclaimed loudly, "Boy, that was a delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.” The leopard stopped and slunk away into the trees. "Whew," he thought. "That was close. That poodle nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey that had been watching figured he could put his knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. The poodle saw the monkey running after the leopard and figured something was up. The monkey told the leopard and struck a deal. The leopard was furious at being made a fool of and said, "Here, monkey, hop up on my back and let's get that conniving poodle."
The poodle saw the leopard coming with the monkey on his back. But instead of running, the poodle sat down with his back to the attackers, pretending he hadn't seen them.
When they got close enough to hear, the poodle said, "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard."
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thehawke
freely admits to licking rocks
My Lord and Master
Member since January 2006
Posts: 866
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Post by thehawke on Jan 23, 2006 13:37:17 GMT -5
Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State:
1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.
2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo. And..
3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.
Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared.
"Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's ooooh so good. The taste is unbelievable!
"And I went to a real rodeo.Talk about athletes...those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!"
They then asked, "Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?"
"Are you kidding? ?When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"
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Post by connrock on Jan 23, 2006 14:19:14 GMT -5
Tweety that was GREAT!!
connrock ;D ;D ;D
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