For Johnny Sands

You Know You're From Pennsylvania When...
You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly." And New Jersey has always been "Jersey."

You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA."

"You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women.

You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet?" (Didyoueatyet?)

You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne, New Tripoli, Tunkhannock, Punxsutawney, Tamaqua, Susquehanna, Allegheny, and Monongahela.

You know what a "Mummer" is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade.

The first day of buck and the first day of doe season are school holidays.

You can use the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.

You can't go to a wedding without hearing the "Chicken Dance," at least one Polka and either an Italian song (sung in Italian,) or "Hava Nagila."

At least 5 people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long.

You know what a "Hex sign" is.

You know what a "State Store" is, and your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.

You own only three condiments "A-1, Heinz 57 and Heinz ketchup".

Words like "hoagie", "crick", "chipped ham", "sticky buns", "shoo-fly pie", "pierogies" and "pocketbook" actually mean something to you.

You can eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same.

You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage (Lebanon Bologna), and Hot Bacon Dressing.

One of the highlights of your life was a field trip to Penn's Cave and Horseshoe curve.

You know exactly what to do when your mother tells you to "red up" your room.

You know the time and location of every "wing night" in a 20 mile radius.

You don't think people from Philly or Pittsburgh talk funny.

You don't understand all the hype about Rolling Rock beer; You've been drinking it for years even though Iron City is better.

You consider an exotic vacation to be a trip to Ocean City, Virginia Beach, or Myrtle Beach.

Words like "hoagie", "chipped ham", and "pop" actually mean something to you.

You think very little of an Amish buggy on the road.

You learned long ago how to "step carefully" around the buggy tie-ups in the supermarket parking lot.

You can go 2 weeks in winter without sunshine and think this is normal.

You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Virginville, Paradise, Mars, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns.

There is no such thing as a "Philly Cheesesteak". It's just called a "Cheesesteak."

You know that Eucre is a card game and not a form of vomiting.

You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know that it comes in several colors: Red, Blue, White, Brown, Gold.

You know what REAL potpie is.

You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.

Your turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing."

You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.

When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.

Know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe that it really is a premium beer

You know that a green pepper is not a pepper at all but a "mango".

You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."

You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips, pretzels, candy, or ice cream, or that packages turkeys, beans, or bologna.

You can stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system."

You know what REAL pot pie is.

YOUR turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing."

You know that chicken corn soup from a fire house is the most nearly perfect food on earth.

You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today," and "They're calling for snow."

You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs.

You only buy your beer and soda by the case.

You think the roads in any other state are smooth.

You know the Penn State cheer, and although you've never attended Penn State, you are a most obnoxious Penn State fan.

Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't bring you to the window to see what's going on outside.

You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield.

You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.

School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.

You have the Rolling Rock bottle memorized: "From the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe, we tender this premium beer for your enjoyment. . . . "

Elect pro-life Democrats and pro-choice Republicans for Governor

Frequently go "with," e.g., "You going to the market? Mind if I come with?"

Refer to something as "a whole nother," e.g., "That's a whole nother issue."

You REALLY HATE antiquers. On Sunday mornings you would scream "Go back to Jersey!" at least once on the way to church.

When you were a kid and somebody really pissed you off, you said, "I'm gonna deck you!"

You know the expression, "Hey naw! Watchya dewin'?"

You know where to buy "Opera Fudge" and that it has absolutely no connection to the Opera.

The only Jewish people that you've ever met have been from New York or New Jersey.

You love the Phillies (unless they stink) in which case you love the Orioles (unless they stink) in which case you solemnly swear that you've never even liked the Phillies or the Orioles, but have always been a Penn State fan.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pennsylvania.

You Know You're From Philadelphia When...
You punctuate every sentence with, "You know" at least twice.

You want olive oil, not mayonnaise on your "hoagie".

You hate the Redskins

You hate Dallas.

You realize that your favorite dessert is "wooder ice".

You find yourself using "yo" and "youse guys" when talking long-distance to family members.

You know how to spell Schuylkill.

You pronounce ACME "ACK-A-ME".

You think that $2,500 a year for insurance on a 1977 Toyota Corolla is a bargain.

You find youself at a nice restaurant thinking "I wonder if they have cheese steaks?"

You sleep soundly through gunfire and ambulance sirens.

You visit New York and are impressed by how clean it is.

You can't eat french fries without Cheese Whiz.

You call sprinkles on top of your ice cream cone "jimmies".

You don't think Wawa sounds funny.

You snub a cheese steak that isn't on an Amoroso roll.

Your parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles all live on the same block.

You know who Jim O'Brien is and how he died.

You can't imagine lunch without a Tastycake.

You're still not sure about Jerry Penacolli.

A vacation at the Jersey shore (pronounced "Down the shoore") is better than going to an island (there's more stuff to do, plus you know everybody.)

You know where to find the Rocky statue.

You know that only tourists go to Geno's, Pat's and Jim's for authentic cheese steaks.

You only go if you're drunk and it's 3:00 a.m.

You can make a cheese steak and you've never been taught

You've never been to the Liberty Bell, or the only time you were there was on a class trip in third grade.

You know what and where "Boathouse Row" is

You will buy a pretzel from anyone, anywhere without even thinking of where it was - or where his hands have been.

You can't imagine a breakfast without scrapple.

You don't know what a sub is, but you think they are trying to describe an imitation HOAGIE.

You aren't a bandwagon Sixers fan?you loved them when they sucked, and before they had A.I.

You go to The Gallery or South Street in the summer time just to chill.

You have the pizza place on speed dial.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Philadelphia.