Killer Gophers from Outer Space.

OMG!! THATS FREAKY!!! I have never got the heebeegeebees like I just did looking at that spooky looking thing! LOL Oh now I'm gonna have nightmares I just know it!

Thanks Mike

*smiles*

LOL Doc

Isn't there an airforce base closeby?
You could just call in an airstrike, be done in a few minutes, just make sure you are not at home when you do that.

This thread has certainly been entertaining...................Tony

I have been tempted to do the gas thing but with my luck, I'd blow up my house and the gophers would be sitting there, pointing and laughing.

Good news though, we set the traps and get this..............2 dead gophers! We got 1 last night and then Rodney set them again and he was singing, "I got two gophers" . Then of course he had to show them to me.

They keep backfilling the traps but I think Rodney was so excited about getting the gopher last night, he took the time today to master the carrot part and all that jazz.

Yay! 2 down and 9999999998 to go.
Thanks again Mel, those are some very cool "Black Hole Traps".

Geez Doc,
How did I miss this one?

Another alternative might be to mix chlorine, and ammonia. It makes the eyes burn.
You could also make an injector. Get powdered chlorine, use a lawn injector and inject a really strong mix. Perhaps with warmer water and lots of chlorine powder. You could also, after injecting chlorine into the ground, inject gasoline. Really pump it into the ground, and all around the ground so the gophers will not migrate. Inject enough That you can smell really heavy gasoline smell after the injection, and up to several weeks later.
Do all this once a week for about six months.
At least they will move.

I bet your right, I think that would do it. I'm guessing this method doesn't include a safety manual? I suppose I should write out my final Will "BEFORE" I try this procedure? Say Doc, you wouldn't happen to know a fella named Bubba would ya?

JK, Just kind of reminded me of a story you told me about a "Yard Guest", or actually I don't even think he was a guest.....I think he just appropriated your yard, kinda the way these overly active gophers have taken over ours.

Hey, just for shoots and goggles, I refer to my previous post. Simple and easy. Like I said, a bit labor intensive, but not harmful. I was actually serious!

And that poor cat...Mike, you bad boy! And all the chemicals. Doc, there is a better way.

Better take some tin foil precautions while you apply whatever you decide to do! I think we need pix!
Best of luck to ya, and I, for one, am awaiting your final solution.

Yeah, who cares if we have a bald yard! Plants are over rated anyway, I'm mean you can't eat them, all they do is sit there wanting a bunch of water. Besides, I like dirt! Just plain old dirt. Great idea Doc. LOL!

Well, the green stuff is the main reason for the herbicides! Like duh!
You see, a long time ago, there was a light in the sky. It arched, glowing brighter and brighter. Then something went amiss. Poof! Now a crater.
Boy, I could go into the entire scenario, but I would sound like an Hippy. Corporate beef, genetically altered grass seed. Almost right up there with conspiracy.
However, they were here to teraform us. The first thing to do was warm up the planet. Their knees bend backwards and their eyes have nictating membranes. Once they arrived, they took stock of their vehicle and decided they were going to stay here. The ones that were left hovered around their atomic campfire, they uttered a mantra, and became energy life forms. Hence the threat of the Electricals!
They are the ones that go thump in the night, make shapes that move on the walls when the lights are out. They are the ones that talk to us when no one is in the room. They travel through the electrical wiring and enter our houses through the electrical sockets.
Bandaids. Put bandaids on the wall sockets at night. They cannot pass through them.
The Electricals created Dentists, and Drs. Dentists put chips in our teeth so their satellites can track us. Drs., make us dependant on medications that cause us to drive our vehicles more than used to be usual. Hence global warming. Terraforming. It is a plot to overthrow us.
They created polititians to make us think it is all right. They created tree huggers. They keep us from exterminating the Electricals.
Meanwhile, the Electricals are digging secret tunnels and dungeons under our homes and torturing people right under our homes! Their bones are used to keep the Middle Earth residents where they are. The Gophers are agents of the Electricals. They bring information to the Electricals. They make people drive to the feed and grain store to get traps that do not work. More fuel consumption, more global warming. Electricals win.
That green stuff. That is their grasses and other vegetation. Our vegetation consumes CO2, theirs consumes O2 and produces CO2. Electricals win! It is scary. It is the front. It is the battle line. It is intergalactic warfare on a very ingenious scale. We get the seeds from the feed and grain store and plant them ourselves! We have been decieved!
That is how they do it. They enter our rooms while we sleep. They tell us to plant for spring. They tell us to use organic fertilizer. Hah! There are alien tapeworms in that stuff. They get into our food, and air. We breather them. They enter our heads and control our desires. We are their battery. They make us think we are living one life when in reality, we are in coccoons, connected to storage cells. They give us our thoughts, our desires, our values.
Ever wonder how come we do not see ghosts?
They were created by the Electricals. They were created to keep us looking in that direction, when in reality we spend our entire lives as a power cell. Self replicating, repairing, and they keep us agitated so we generate more energy! Just look at the energy we generate dealing with gophers! We have to find the right traps, that do not work, the right bait they do not want, the right herbicides that do nothing. All that mental controversy creates volts! They need volts to prosper.
Put Bandaids on the sockets, pull out those molars, dig up their tunnels, eliminate all thoughts.
We can defeat them.

Nice try Roxy, all that crap isn't gonna fly, plain and simple I kicked your azz.

Beady eyes, shaken up, ha! You were breakin a sweat, admit it.......I smoked you!

SO Doc, tell me about the bandaids, why not use duct tape instead? And, what the hell is a nictating membrane? Got pictures? What does an electrical look like? Got feet? Hands? Are they sparky? I'm pretty sure we sprayed for those when we moved in. They can't be too bright if they are working with the gophers and I'm pretty sure they haven't dragged anyone down into their holes to torture them yet. They may have taken over my cat though, she does some funky crap when she's practicing her karate moves out in the yard.

Bandaids are the trick. They create a Faraday Cage principle. Duct tape has a metallic fiber that allows the Electricals to travel on the fibers and get out. A person has to only use real Bandaids. The generic brands will not do. We have been conditioned to react to SALE so we get the unreal thing.
Nictating membranes are the membranes over the eyes. Instead of closing like regular eyelids, the membranes move from side to side. They allow the Electricals to live in their regular atmosphere of sulpher dioxide. You can tell if you see them, their knees move backwards. They have learned to utilize opposing atmospheres and still reproduce.
The few gophers you are catching are the dedicated fanatics. They are the old, or maimed that put themselves in the trap to throw off the scent.
The Electricals have taught us to have doubt. One of the important defenses we have is a tinfoil hat. Another is putting a 9volt battery in our mouth with the terminals inside the mouth. That serves two purposes. One to short out the chips in our teeth, I pulled mine out, second, our mouth has a saline environment. 9volts will electrolize O2 from our saliva. Admittedly, it is an insignificant amount, however every little bit helps.
We are not talking a post '60's Barking Spider/Waving Walls episode. We are being invaded.
The Electricals through their force of Dentists, Drs., politicians, teachers, televangelists, and most cunning, Liberals!
What the Electricals do not want us to know, the secret of the universe is in the Ganges Glacier. That is why they are raising the temperature. To melt the secret before we discover it.
They also eat human flesh.
You cannot spray for Electricals, you can only short them out. Tinfoil hats prevent our thoughts from being read by them. It is also a Faraday Cage. It also helps us to feel a little better, calm us down. Preventing aliens from reading our minds leaves us our minds to read ourselves.
The secret is out there.