Sabre52
Cave Dweller
Me and my gal, Rosie
Member since August 2005
Posts: 20,473
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Post by Sabre52 on Dec 28, 2011 10:43:29 GMT -5
*L* Wow, were it a daughter, it'd be chastity belts and locked up till about 30. Don't understand wimmens and never will. I'd shudder at the thought of having to raise a daughter. Good lord, a daughter might go out and meet someone like I was at that age *L* Oh the horror!.....Mel
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Fossilman
Cave Dweller
Member since January 2009
Posts: 20,694
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Post by Fossilman on Dec 28, 2011 11:31:58 GMT -5
I raised two boys by myself...Seen it all! First is to be a parent first,they get mad at you,say things that might hurt you,but they get over it and life goes on............Both my sons were living at home when they turned 18,thats when the rules changed. I couldn't tell them what to do,but I told them to respect my rules in the house and to call if they were to be late(no curfew after 18),stay in school and find a job(parttime)... Seems to me your doing just fine,the hurt is being a good parent-it will work out.......... My boys turned out to be top knotch and still keep in contact with me,plus they thank me for how I raised them!
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chassroc
Cave Dweller
Rocks are abundant when you have rocktumblinghobby pals
Member since January 2005
Posts: 3,586
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Post by chassroc on Dec 28, 2011 13:10:15 GMT -5
This is true...The first time I went away for a weekend without parental supervision was a weekend after I graduated High school. So ... converting that to the twenty first century... and the way people talk about how kids are babied so much today, you should wait until he graduates college before letting him go!!!!! ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png) ;D ![:-X](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/lipssealed.png) Charlie
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Post by BuiltonRock on Dec 28, 2011 13:57:03 GMT -5
I feel so terrible but in my heart I think I'm doing the right thing. Krystee, There is a lot of wisdom wrapped up in this thread and I believe your answer can be found in your own words above. You know your son better than anyone on earth. The fact that you ask him these questions, know who his friends are and that he tells you the truth, proves to me you have an awesome relationship. Seems to me you have done a very good job. I also believe young men need to be called into manhood through responsibility, trust, hard work and faith. A very famous Man said, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." Follow your heart as you said above, trust your son as you have always done. The rest is out of your hands. Best to you both!! John
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peachfront
fully equipped rock polisher
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Stones have begun to speak, because an ear is there to hear them.
Member since August 2010
Posts: 1,745
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Post by peachfront on Dec 28, 2011 16:50:56 GMT -5
Am I the only person who thinks the kid has completely out-smarted his mother? Wowsers. If you asked any random parent or teacher whether they would rather have their kid 1) at an outdoor athletic activity during the day or 2) at an indoor "hanging around" activity during the night until 1 A.M. I don't think it's rocket science which situation more often results in underage drinking and sex. As far as trust, the trust was broken as soon as the kid says he's taking the van to check out a work situation, then phones later to say he's actually taking the van to visit the same friends Mom already objected to.
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Post by tntmom on Dec 28, 2011 21:31:31 GMT -5
Am I the only person who thinks the kid has completely out-smarted his mother? Wowsers. If you asked any random parent or teacher whether they would rather have their kid 1) at an outdoor athletic activity during the day or 2) at an indoor "hanging around" activity during the night until 1 A.M. I don't think it's rocket science which situation more often results in underage drinking and sex. As far as trust, the trust was broken as soon as the kid says he's taking the van to check out a work situation, then phones later to say he's actually taking the van to visit the same friends Mom already objected to. I don't know Peach.... maybe.... I probably get outsmarted a lot by all 4 of them, but I try to keep my wits on. I don't think though that his going out last night was a conspiracy against me. In fact, just the opposite. I think he needed his "me" time to get over his anger. He went to work, got his check and schedule and then to his friends a half mile away... coulda said no...but why? He ended up coming home 15 minutes after my last post (around 12:05). He didn't have to come home then, I gave him a 1am curfew. But he did and was fine. It was obvious when he came to talk to me in my office that he wasn't on drugs, hadn't been drinking. Don't know about his friends.... but I do trust him and that's why I struggled so much with this decision. He has confided in me that some of his friends smoke pot, the same also drink, and have been in trouble with the law. I'm sure that he hasn't told me everything, but he's told me enough. I remember when he was in 9th grade.... he came home after a sleepover with a couple of boys and went straight to bed. That day he barely said two words to me. Next day he said "Mom, I need to talk to you...." I went into his room and he told me that he couldn't take the guilt, he then told me that he tried pot with his friends. I was floored, I would have never known, but he admitted it to me for no other reason than a guilty conscience. He asked me how long he was grounded for and I didn't ground him. I did explain to him that some friends make bad decisions and there is always one time that you make the mistake of being a follower and just go along rather than to stand up and be a leader. I told him that this was an important lesson that teaches you to stand up for what's really important. Granted.... I don't like a couple of those boys, and I'm always worried that they might influence him again....but... I don't think he's messed up since then. Hope not! In the last 4 years since that has happened he has come up to me several times disgusted with some of his friends that started smoking cigarettes, or... letting me know that some have been in trouble with the law again. If he was out to pull the rug over me then I think he would have kept his mouth shut. Oh, one more thing Peach! I am soooooo for athletic activites..mma, wrestling, football, you name it!.... just not without adult supervision and several hours away with a bunch of testosterone going rampant!
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Post by Roller on Dec 28, 2011 23:04:57 GMT -5
seriously you have one good kid ! He tell YOU THE TRUTH ! how much more could you ask for ! Even if it isnt everything I bet its more than other parents friends get !
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peachfront
fully equipped rock polisher
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Stones have begun to speak, because an ear is there to hear them.
Member since August 2010
Posts: 1,745
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Post by peachfront on Dec 29, 2011 12:32:24 GMT -5
OK, just so you know where I'm coming from? You see that poster up there posted by "Meta?" My husband was a good kid who didn't use drugs, had a early college admission scholarship, did everything right...and his parents still put these harsh restrictions on him. So he took the advice on that poster, left home at age 19, quit school and got a job, and never spoke to them again until he was in his 30s. Young people are sensitive to injustice. They don't forget. So parents need to stop and think, "If I really trusted my kid, would I restrict him this way?"
I appreciate that you are reaching out and trying to do the right thing. It must be very difficult. I can't really give advice, as every situation is different. I can only offer this warning. Age 17 is old enough to leave home in my state. It may be in yours. In every state, if he is too restricted, he may freely leave home at 18. Parents who are too harsh risk actually losing their children and not seeing them again for many years. I saw it happen with my own eyes. Good kids often have sensitive hearts that take hurt deep inside.
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Post by talkingstones on Dec 29, 2011 22:43:41 GMT -5
They grow wings, fly away....Consolation is that evetually they multiply and come home.... en mass....! ROTFLOL!
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chassroc
Cave Dweller
Rocks are abundant when you have rocktumblinghobby pals
Member since January 2005
Posts: 3,586
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Post by chassroc on Dec 30, 2011 11:23:50 GMT -5
And there certainly is no handbook of absolutes when raising children.
You do your best and that is all you can do. Yopu live in the moment...and then it passes. You hope you are right about the important things but, at some point, you have to realize they have to live their own lives (and make their own mistakes). Some people will never grow up no matter what you do. Other respond the way we planned. You cannot control everything so enjoy the things you have an effect on...and try to have a positive effect on everything.
charlie
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