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Post by snowmom on Jul 26, 2014 19:03:11 GMT -5
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog, at Wal-Mart and was standing in line about to check out. The woman behind the check out asked me if I had a dog. Of course I have a dog... silly question.
On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but I told her how I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. It is healthy because the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to go back on the diet again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now listening to my story.)
Horrified, the woman asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me? I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind me was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.
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Deleted
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Member since January 1970
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2014 19:09:21 GMT -5
hahahahahahahahahahaha
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Member since January 1970
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2014 21:25:51 GMT -5
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Post by snowmom on Jul 27, 2014 5:58:42 GMT -5
of course, I never, but it makes a great story!
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Post by rockjunquie on Jul 27, 2014 11:25:56 GMT -5
Almost spit my coffee! LOL!
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Post by Starguy on Jul 28, 2014 22:26:26 GMT -5
snowmomMy wife and I were fueling up at Costco several weeks ago. Another customer was fueling up near us. He had the misfortune of having the nozzle malfunction which ended up spraying gas all over his arm. We were unlucky enough to get right behind him when leaving the parking lot. He drove a couple of blocks and tried to light a cigarette which ended up igniting his sleeve and arm. We watched in horror as he continued driving while waving his arm out the pickup window. We guessed he was trying to get the flames to go out. The local police finally got behind him and got him stopped. He got out of his truck still waving his burning arm. The police ended up shooting him. We weren't sure of the outcome and have been watching the news to try to find out what happened. Judging by the number of shots, we felt he was probably killed.
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Post by snowmom on Jul 29, 2014 6:30:27 GMT -5
starguy for real??? did they think he was a terrorist or something? did you see them shoot him? where did this happen? (that's really awful)
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Deleted
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Member since January 1970
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 6:55:05 GMT -5
No s#* t!!!thats terrible.
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Post by Starguy on Jul 29, 2014 9:21:43 GMT -5
starguy for real??? did they think he was a terrorist or something? did you see them shoot him? where did this happen? (that's really awful) snowmom, @arrowheadave Well he was waving a fire arm at them. Sorry, that's my poor attempt at a joke.
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Post by snowmom on Jul 29, 2014 17:00:34 GMT -5
oh, duh! doh!!!! not a poor joke, just somebody who didn't "get it".
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Post by Starguy on Jul 29, 2014 18:43:15 GMT -5
oh, duh! doh!!!! not a poor joke, just somebody who didn't "get it". snowmom. Nobody gets that joke. That's why I love to tell it. I told it to a group of people at work, and my boss was the one who asked "why did they shoot him?" He didn't look too happy when I told him the punch line. Luckily he got over it. Knowing him, he's told it to several people since then. My other favorite is to tell people that are holding a dictionary that gullible is not a real word. They almost always look it up to prove me wrong. Most people get it when you ask them to read the definition. I was inspired to post something humorous by your extremely funny dog food story. That story definitely gave me a belly laugh. I just couldn't tell you before introducing my warped sense of humor. thanks for your great story. Later Brent
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Post by braders on Jul 29, 2014 21:25:49 GMT -5
Cheers to both ...thanks for laugh !!
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Post by Rockhobbit on Jul 30, 2014 10:05:00 GMT -5
Great joke!!!! Sheri
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Post by parfive on Jul 30, 2014 12:44:08 GMT -5
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Post by Starguy on Jul 30, 2014 18:25:11 GMT -5
When we asked the teenager what he thought would happen when he let himself on fire, he said, "I don't know, I wasn't thinking really." Teenagers kill me. They never think! thanks for the link parfive
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Fossilman
Cave Dweller
Member since January 2009
Posts: 20,685
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Post by Fossilman on Jul 30, 2014 21:44:46 GMT -5
ROTFLMAO!!!!
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