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Post by docone31 on Jun 11, 2015 7:16:52 GMT -5
If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this.
We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the fence top.
Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
One day I’m mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn’t remembered to unplug it after all.
Now I’m standing there, I’ve got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
Time stood still.
The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.
It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of **** lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.
Science says you cannot ****, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you’re all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just **** your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together, it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
At this point I’m about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can’t let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences … but Dad always had those piece of **** chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.
This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I’m thinking I’m going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
‘Damn!,’ I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think ‘Oh God please die ….. Pleeeeaze die’. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner’s right foot.
So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day…. he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created. I honestly don’t know how I got loose from the wire ….
I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
1 – Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted.
2 – I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3 – Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
4 – My left eye will not open.
5 – My right eye will not close.
6 – The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
7 – My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
8 – I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don’t understand this???).
That day changed my life. I now have a new-found respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
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Post by orrum on Jun 11, 2015 7:50:07 GMT -5
Great one!!!!
I have horses and electric fence. Had them for 50 years.
Two things in life will make a cowboy slap his wife and kick the dog.
First is the blame horse trailer lights won't work and you can't find the problem and you gotta leave after dark tonite!!!
Second is the electric fence is grounded out and you can't find the place, you gave up on the fencer tester figuring it don't work so you go around the 5 miles of 6 strand high tensile wire fence looking for a missing insulator or cracked insulator while the goats, mule and so far only one horse are eating your neighbors flowers and pooping on their sidewalk!
You have given up on the situation and are going around grabbing the supposed to be hot fence wires and shaking them hoping it's a unseen Spyder web.
You bought a low impedance fencer for Tractor Supply yesterday that increases the voltage to a maximum of 10000 volts to overcome this shorted out situation. It isn't shocking anything but has a pretty light that says it's working and connected correctly.
Seeing a dead wooly worm on a insulator you grab thst wire and shake it.....
Thor the god of thunder snd lightning just hit you with all he has to give. Continue with puke, pee and **** picture cause it's bad but at least you found the short!!!!
This really happens folks!
My new fencer, yes this actually hsppend, is a nice 12 jule model. Do any of yall know what 12 jule is?
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Sabre52
Cave Dweller
Me and my gal, Rosie
Member since August 2005
Posts: 20,487
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Post by Sabre52 on Jun 11, 2015 8:01:17 GMT -5
*LOL* Been there and experienced that. Nothing quite matches the feeling of standing in wet grass and accidentally bumping your groin region into a hot electric fence. You find yourself lying six feet away, staring at the pretty strangely colored clouds in the blue sky while the Star Spangled Banner plays through your head and you actually see the rockets red glare. Yep, that'll wake you up right fine!....Mel
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Member since January 1970
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2015 19:58:32 GMT -5
Well when your older brother talks you into peeing on the wire it is not a pretty sight either. I can still see my mother loping (I think that is a close description) toward me thinking my brother had cut off my hand or foot by the way I was screaming without stopping. If I remember right I was screaming for several minutes without taking a breath. The pee stream probably didn't hit the wire for more than two or three seconds but I can still feel those ten thousand plus or minus pulses like it was yesterday. It is amazing how much more electricity can travel through a pee stream than a green weed held up to the wire.
Didn't get him back until high school when I trashed the clutch in his car. Now that was fun but still not enough pay back. Jim
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quartz
Cave Dweller
breakin' rocks in the hot sun
Member since February 2010
Posts: 3,352
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Post by quartz on Jun 12, 2015 0:02:01 GMT -5
A farmer I used to help out called: "Darn bull is over at the next place wanting to help himself to the cows, can you meet me down in the pasture and hopefully we can get him back?" Met him, and we found a low place in the elect fence, likely where the bull went next door. Friend farmer said probably the fence is out, and it was very dry that year. I grabbed it, no shock, so swung over it. He grabbed it, but used a steel post for support to get over the fence; fence wasn't out. I heard about that for a long time. Did get the bull back "home".
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Post by snowmom on Jun 12, 2015 6:23:10 GMT -5
HAHAHA, memories... son used to dare his city friends to touch the electric fence or pee on it. I walked into an electric wire set at eye height once, had been over the top a gate and the gate left opened but the wire was still there. plain did not see it, but I felt it! eyelids were closed but I still remember the feeling of the electricity surrounding my eyeballs and going through my sinus and tear ducts, mouth and etc... safety first, 12 joules is nothing to take carelessly.
Ever see lightning hit an electric fence? should have had a few good fulgerites if I'd known to look for them!
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Post by orrum on Jun 12, 2015 8:19:37 GMT -5
Had lightning hit the electric fence a bunch, usually you get to buy another fencer afterwards.
Once though the fencer wire which was 14 gauge aluminum just disappeared and on the ground every so often was little sorta roundish beads of aluminum! I didn't notice it but the fellow with me figured it out, I was trying to string new wire and he was goofing off to avoid work! LOL
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Post by jakesrocks on Jun 12, 2015 9:34:50 GMT -5
Don't even get me started on electric fences. I still curse a long dead uncle for getting me to unhook the hot wire over the gate to his pasture, (which he had supposedly turned off). I was about 5 years old, barefoot and the rain had just stopped falling. The old man & my uncle didn't know that a 5 year old could learn that many bad words in so few years.
The magneto on a racing engine can kick you pretty hard too. (Says I after I peeled myself off the wall on the opposite side of the shop).
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Fossilman
Cave Dweller
Member since January 2009
Posts: 20,709
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Post by Fossilman on Jun 12, 2015 9:58:09 GMT -5
Yuppers,been there done that..............
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Post by rockpickerforever on Jun 12, 2015 11:20:26 GMT -5
In SoCal, it is dry most of the time. A lot of people will string up wire, attached to DRY wooden rails with just nails. Dry wood does not conduct electricity, right? Years ago, visited a friend with a horse and his ass (his companion animal, not his hind end). It had been damp out, and without thinking, I foolishly leaned my forehead against said "dry" wood. ZAP! I surely felt it, but no major harm done... (I think?) Did not knock me to my ass, lol.
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spiritstone
Cave Dweller
Member since August 2014
Posts: 2,061
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Post by spiritstone on Jun 13, 2015 19:45:29 GMT -5
Had me in tears laughing at these experiences. No fence for this guy.
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jamesp
Cave Dweller
Member since October 2012
Posts: 36,555
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Post by jamesp on Jun 13, 2015 20:45:31 GMT -5
In SoCal, it is dry most of the time. A lot of people will string up wire, attached to DRY wooden rails with just nails. Dry wood does not conduct electricity, right? Years ago, visited a friend with a horse and his ass (his companion animal, not his hind end). It had been damp out, and without thinking, I foolishly leaned my forehead against said "dry" wood. ZAP! I surely felt it, but no major harm done... (I think?) Did not knock me to my ass, lol. I bumped a fresh treated power pole on the farm with the tractor years ago. Knocked one of the 14,000 volt wires off the insulator. Wire touching the wet pole. Made the TV and other electrical things run erratic. Kinda figured it was the pole I hit with the tractor. Went to check it out and could hear pzzzzzzt radiating out of the pole. Presence of mind not to get too close, called the power company.
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