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Post by Toad on Jan 19, 2007 22:07:52 GMT -5
It's okay, I figure God has a sense of humor too. Some people thoughcan only be on one end of a joke, when it is pointed at them they don't like it.
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chassroc
Cave Dweller 
Rocks are abundant when you have rocktumblinghobby pals
Member since January 2005
Posts: 3,586
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Post by chassroc on Jan 22, 2007 15:23:32 GMT -5
Spacegold...I guess that makes you a liberal
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Post by Jack ( Yorkshire) on Jan 28, 2007 2:59:44 GMT -5
Hi All,
One from My son
A blond and a brunett were walking down the street when the brunett said
"Oh look a dead blackbird" The blond looking up said " where I cant see it "
Jack
Yorkshire UK
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Post by takilasunrise on Feb 1, 2007 12:28:49 GMT -5
(Just some funnies I got in an email today. Hopefully, there aren't too many repeats...................)
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
**************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
**************************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
**************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Hav e you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you
what it feels like when I'm driving."
**************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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Post by Toad on Feb 3, 2007 8:32:14 GMT -5
I guess it depends on how you define liberal. By a literal definition, liberal would mean anything goes. You believe what you want to believe, I believe what I want, and it's all good. One idea is as good as another. But if you want to go by the democratic party defintion, then I have to agree with gay marriage is cool, abortion is okay, and rich people should pay more taxes so that people that don't want to work can be given free stuff. But today all I hear from democrats is that because I believe abortion is wrong, marriage should be between a man and woman, and that I should be able to keep most of my money for myself - that I must be a closed-minded, homophobic, uncaring a-hole. There are a lot of people out there that are pro-abortion, pro-gay marriage, and pro-redispersal of wealth. I look at them and say - we have a different point of view. Let's tumble some rocks. But the vibes I get back are eat sh*t and die. So who's more liberal, the typical democrat or an old-fashioned conservative guy? How's that for blowing up a joke thread. Sorry. Spacegold...I guess that makes you a liberal |
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Post by Toad on Feb 3, 2007 8:38:35 GMT -5
Sorry again fo rthe political stump all.
Very funny spacegold - especially like the funeral one.
Takila - very funny army one.
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spacegold
has rocks in the head
Member since September 2006
Posts: 732
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Post by spacegold on Feb 3, 2007 13:03:26 GMT -5
No need to apologize. You have some company on this board. I'm two out of three with you, and I know what you mean about Democrats. But I just don't want to get started on that. Let's go tumble some rocks.
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bitterbrook
noticing nice landscape pebbles
Always remember STEP NUMBER ONE!
Member since September 2006
Posts: 99
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Post by bitterbrook on Feb 3, 2007 13:25:04 GMT -5
I didn't see any homophobia in the joke, but the "case of gonorrhea" joke nearly killed me!
Guess I need to examine this thread more closely...
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blarneystone
spending too much on rocks
Rocks in my head
Member since March 2010
Posts: 307
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Post by blarneystone on Feb 5, 2007 15:46:19 GMT -5
World History Lesson Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Then why did the Republicans put a JackAss in the whitehouse? |
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blarneystone
spending too much on rocks
Rocks in my head
Member since March 2010
Posts: 307
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Post by blarneystone on Feb 5, 2007 18:13:14 GMT -5
I'm having a real hard time figuring out just what it is about this post that is supossed to be funny..... World History Lesson Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. . ....so I guess more than half of our fighting men and women are just weak, pathetic 'girly' types right? Don't ask don't tell... right? I don't think so... Go ahead and label me an angry lib... so be it.  |
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blarneystone
spending too much on rocks
Rocks in my head
Member since March 2010
Posts: 307
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Post by blarneystone on Feb 5, 2007 18:25:53 GMT -5
A buddy of mine was hanging out at a local gathering spot in his small, southern town on this past Election Day. Evidently Jeopardy was playing on the televisions inside and upon going outside to smoke a small group was discussing a previous question.
The question was about the name of the second planet from the Sun. My friend, of course, knew the answer (Venus), but one person, a woman in her late 30’s, decided to chime in with, “Everyone knows it’s Earth.”
My buddy, resisting the urge to pounce in her in the form of thrusting a finger at her and laughing, calmly said, “No, actually it isn’t. The second planet is Venus. Earth is the third planet.”
The woman, without missing a beat, responds happily, “Well, I never was too into astrology.”
This time my buddy couldn’t resist. “You voted Republican, didn’t you?”
The woman completely lights up, as if bonding with a stranger who shares a rare hobby, “How did you know?!!”
...now that's funny!
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spacegold
has rocks in the head
Member since September 2006
Posts: 732
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Post by spacegold on Feb 6, 2007 2:46:00 GMT -5
Go tumble some rocks, Blarney.
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blarneystone
spending too much on rocks
Rocks in my head
Member since March 2010
Posts: 307
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Post by blarneystone on Feb 6, 2007 13:19:01 GMT -5
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blarneystone
spending too much on rocks
Rocks in my head
Member since March 2010
Posts: 307
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Post by blarneystone on Feb 6, 2007 13:22:25 GMT -5
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Post by lonewolfrockhound on Feb 6, 2007 18:53:44 GMT -5
That was funny! ;D Where the beer and the cantalope play.....lol |
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Post by ladyt on Feb 6, 2007 18:56:20 GMT -5
LOL That was funny Blarney!!
Tonja
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blarneystone
spending too much on rocks
Rocks in my head
Member since March 2010
Posts: 307
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Post by blarneystone on Feb 8, 2007 16:26:52 GMT -5
Hey...whaddaya know! Another Republican with a short memory... "Your check is in the mail"... hmmm where have I heard that before... oh yea.. I remember..TAX refund checks 2001!! www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A27983-2001Jul20Gee... I wonder how Ol' GW pulled that one off with the country in so much debt and a huge trade deficit... must have been magic... just like those disappearing WMDs in Iraq... MAGIC!! ;D |
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MichiganRocks
starting to spend too much on rocks
"I wasn't born to follow."
Member since April 2007
Posts: 154
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Post by MichiganRocks on Feb 8, 2007 17:52:44 GMT -5
And to think that I got slammed for my "World History" joke!  Ron |
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blarneystone
spending too much on rocks
Rocks in my head
Member since March 2010
Posts: 307
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Post by blarneystone on Feb 8, 2007 18:28:47 GMT -5
It didn't bother me at all Space! It just wasn't funny...hahaha. That wasn't a slam Ron ...wasn't even close! You guys are so sensitive... hmmmm.
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blarneystone
spending too much on rocks
Rocks in my head
Member since March 2010
Posts: 307
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Post by blarneystone on Feb 8, 2007 18:41:03 GMT -5
HAHAHA... I bet they teach evolution at that college!! ..and maybe even Nuke-ye-ler Physics!! |
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