Joke thread !

schist !



mostly

Three construction workers - one from Mexico, one from Italy and one from Norway - are sitting on a the roof of a 20 storey building, having lunch.

The mexican opens his lunch "Oh great, not tacos again! If I get tortillas one more time, I'm going to jump!"
The italian opens his lunch - "No, no no. I do not want spaghetti again! If I get spaghetti one more time, I'm going to jump!"
The norwegian opens his lunch - "What is this?! Lutefisk again?!?! No. If I get this one more time, I'm going to jump!"

The next day all 3 are sitting down for lunch.

The mexican opens his lunch - tacos again! He jumps to his death.
The italian opens his lunch - spaghetti again! He jumps to his death.
The norwegian opens his lunch - lutefisk again! He jumps to his death.

A few days later, they have a joint funeral.

The mexican's wife is crying "Oh no, this is all my fault! If I'd only known he didn't want tacos, I could've made him pozole, or beans & rice. This is all my fault!"
The italians wife is crying too "I feel so terrible that such an awful thing happened. I thought he loved spaghetti, he never complained. This is all my fault!"

The norwegian's wife is standing there, and the other two wives look at her, totally dry eyed.

"What do you want me to say? He packed his own lunch."

(To be fair, if I had to eat lutefisk, I'd jump to my death the first time). 

Not been out much recently as i volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials for Covid-19. I received my first shots last week and wanted to let you know that it’s completely safe. There are vrey feew иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши. hai comrades

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everyone who could jump, run, and swim have already crossed the border.

Two guys are out walking their dogs. It’s a little warmer than usual out and one says to the other, “You know what would go good now is a nice cold beer. Let’s go across the street to that bar. First round's on me.”

Second guy says, “That sounds great but they’re not gonna let us in with the dogs.”

First guy says, “Nah, just do what I do. Watch this.” He puts on a pair of sunglasses and crosses the street and goes in the bar.

Bartender yells, “Hey, no dogs allowed! Get that dog outta here!”

But the guy says, pointing, “No, no, seeing eye dog! Seeing eye dog!”

Bartender grumbles but says, “Okay, what’ll you have?” Guy orders a beer and settles at a table.

Second guy sees all this and says, “That’s pretty slick!” So he puts on his sunglasses and crosses the street and goes in the bar.

Bartender yells, “Hey, no dogs allowed! Get that dog outta here!”

But second guy points and says, “No, no seeing eye dog! Seeing eye dog!”

Bartender says, “Oh yeah, since when is a chihuahua a seeing eye dog?”

Second guy says, “They gave me a chihuahua?”