Joke thread !

A man takes his wife deer hunting, stop me if you know this one, gives her a gun and sets her in a tree. About 30 minutes past sun up he hears a shot and starts to shake his head. He will never hear the end of this from his wife, 1st time hunting and she kills a deer w/in 30 minutes. He climbs down out of his stand to go help his wife with her kill. As he approaches her stand he hears arguing going on with another man. "It's mine, no it's mine, no it's mine, no it's mine. Okay lady, okay it's yours just let me get my saddle back first."

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters,
whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any
rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and
attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John
could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply
by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he
was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell
hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were
chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters
coming, would run for cover.

BUT, to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it
couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the
next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair.

Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result: the judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize"
but they also a warded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Butch was a Politician in the making. Who else but a politician
could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our
planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing
them when they weren't paying attention?

is that it???

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2005 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends -- you know you want to!

I nominate page 10 for the best page on this thread.

Hilarious.

A man an a woman are driving down the same road, when they pass, the woman leans out the window, points and yells "PIG" The man leans out his window and yells "WITCH" The man goes around the curve and runs into a pig. If only men would listen.

Now the funny thing is I use to work with a guy that said he always told his wife when they where driving and I quote, "I'm doing the driving and your doing the shutting up."

I still laugh at that one.

I am still in stitches over this one.
Once upon a time, in a land where things made sense, a guy asked a girl to marry him. She said NO.
The guy then proced to spend his time to hunt, fish, sleep, and work on his hotrod. He rebuilt engines in his living room, and wash his parts off after using cleaner, in the dishwasher. He got a Bridgeport, a milling machine, a turret lathe, a boring machine, with no less, CARBIDE BITS, and he drank beer when he wanted to, slept when he wanted to, and machined a tool to pre set lifter load, and float needle height!
He lived happily ever after.

TOP 16 COUNTRY SONGS

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long

15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here

7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now

6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure

2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

And the Number one song is . . . . . . . . . .

1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

Let me know when #5 comes out on single